How has marriage changed you?

Often times, we hear "this person has changed after marriage." Why is the concept of change so shocking to our loved ones or to people around us? Because the perception is - that we change by the influence of our partners. And if we do, is that a bad thing?

Ask yourself. How has marriage changed you?

Marriage is different for everyone and it changes people in various ways. There are so many factors attached. My experience may not be the same as yours. I am curious to see whether this blog post is going to be relative to my married friends.

As an individual, we have a set of principles that we follow. We have morals. We have certain ground rules. Can we always expect to have the same set of values, principles, morals? Probably not. Or yes, perhaps? My experience is that - everything changes with time. I used to have a very Black and White approach in life. Either it's wrong or right. Either it exists or it doesn't. But after marriage, I realize there is a large gray area. Things aren't just Black and White anymore.

What else did I realize? Domestic help is HUGE. I didn't even realize the amount of work my mom and dad put into the house until I got a house of my own. It is DIFFICULT to take care of a house.

I gained more self respect. Even though, people may think the opposite. Women are often taken for granted. My husband does not take me for granted. However, the concept of appreciation is unspoken. What you may have to understand is that there isn't always going to be a "thank you" or a speech for everything that you do. Even in the silences, you have to know that you are appreciated, by gestures such as having a day off from house chores, getting a breakfast in bed, being pampered to go out etc.

You don't have to lose your individuality or identity just because you are merging your existence with your partner. My husband has supported all my pre-marriage activities. My friends always used to come over to party. My friends stayed at my place for various days. He always understood if we had plans to go out and do things. There was no "restriction" for after hours. He's truly let me be, which is why I have never been the interfering kind. I would NOT call him if he's out for a boys night.

I laugh a lot more. Anyone that knows my husband can vouch for his sense of humour. Nothing has changed in that department. We're both still goofballs. We can have fun just sitting at home. We don't need to "do things" to have fun.

I have learned that are less sensitive to conflict as time goes on. I remember the time we used to fight like cats and dogs. Our relationship was a constant dangling zone of terror, lol. It's safe to say our anger has subsided. With time, I've learned that you have to choose your battles. Only serious issues need to be taken to an extreme level. Petty fights are so useless and serve no purpose at all. It's not a battlefield and we are not trying to win a game. A conflict hurts both people. There's really no "win."

The biggest change is being fully invested in one another. These days, if I have to go out with friends or family, I really miss his presence. And it aches me to see him working so hard and it spoils the fun for me. This doesn't mean that I don't have the right to have fun on my own. I surely do. And I've always had a personal life aside from my marriage - I've never given up on friends. But I guess it's the love. A part of me wants him around for all the fun stuff I am being a part of but he isn't!

I guess, one challenging aspect that has changed me is the fact that decision making is a bit tough. That means - decisions are not just mine alone. When I am expected to act a certain way, it is based on a mutual decision. I have to act for the familial unit as a "team." When I am upset, I am no longer left alone to figure things out. I have a life partner who wants to be in on everything. He wants to know why I am slipping into the dark side and he brings me out of it. When I feel happy, I am not just happy for myself. We are happy together and that is what doubles it!

When you get married, your priorities change too. You're no longer always just thinking about yourself, but your spouse too.

At the end of the day, being married should make you HAPPY! If you're married to the right person, you should look forward to seeing them when you come home each night, and just doing little things together. Even just sharing a meal together, a quick cuddle or watching an episode of your favorite show. Life should be more fun and more enjoyable with your spouse by your side. They should make you a better person. I think my husband has a big hand in shaping me into a less anxious person. He is such a positive influence.

Also, I now have roots. I can say this strongly when I have children. But I have a home, that I can call my own. A man can construct a building, but it takes a woman to turn a building into a home.

I got married fairly young as compared to the rest of my friends. I feel like I took a plunge into a life long learning experience. It is committing to be permanently in flux and in growth for the rest of your life together. What has your experience been? What has been your biggest lesson? Share in the comments :)