How not giving a fuck has changed my life...

I finally finished reading Mark Manson's "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck." It is surely an interesting read. No review will be provided because if you feel attracted to the title - I want you guys to read it.

I would like to start off by saying that my only New Year's Resolution this year was to not give a fuck about things. I am glad to say that I stuck by it for the most part. I was talking to a friend today after a long time and realized that life has truly been better by not giving a damn. I am done with conformity. This year - I have not cared about what people have said about me, my weight, my looks, my ability to cook (or not), my friends, my work etc. I no longer wish to be accepted by anybody. I am on a journey of self-acceptance (note: that I didn't say 'self-love' because I have a long way to go there). 

Since certain people that have left my life - I did feel the urge to ask them why. I am okay with it all. If they've let go - I am sure they had reasons. Living with anxiety is extremely challenging. So, wherever in life you have the ability to not give a fuck about something - it feels fabulous! Because anyone with anxiety will understand that anxiety is all about giving way too many fucks, all the fucking time. By now, you must have guessed that I will be using a lot of "fucks" in this post :)

Ours is what they call a selfish generation. Everything has been handed to us etc. But what they won't give us credit for is the fact is that we have our own set of hurdles. Sure, they're not going to match up to our parents not having a mode of transportation and walking kms to go to school or work. But ours is a generation of excessive competition. The pressure to get into good schools, the pressure to get your foot in the door with your line of education, to sustain a good job, to get a good life partner, to have a good body, to be the perfect mother and pretty much an all rounder. The world is constantly telling you that everything you are not is what makes you happy. The other person's great job or great car, a bigger house, is what we should aspire to attain? NAH!

We are so busy caring about these things that we have stopped living a quality life. I have to give my husband credit for remaining humorous and positive through all experiences in life - good or bad. He seldom loses his cool and tells everyone to be happy with what they have, however much it is. The key to the good life is to give importance to our loved ones, take care of our health and grow as a person. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy the luxuries in life like nice clothes, handbags etc. but they aren't taking over my life. Luxuries are important too, sometimes because we like to celebrate our success. But  the point is to not take on additional stresses of "he said, she said..." and blah blah blah.

One thing I've stopped giving a fuck about is... relatives. They are not always there to support you. Note: this is not a generalization. I am only speaking about my experience and with what I've seen with my friends. They are there to nitpick and talk smack. When it comes to milestones in your life, like a wedding or becoming a mother, they will be nonexistent. In my experience, friends are way more helpful and supportive at this time. They volunteer and ask for what needs to be done. I've seen the same thing with my friends' baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, events etc. You will see the relatives taking a backseat while the friends step in and help out with everything.

Another thing I've stopped giving a fuck about is... what people think of me. I am so OVER the insecurities that come with added weight. There was a point in life where I didn't want to leave my house in the fear that someone will see me in public and remember the old me. How stupid does that sound? Very. Why should I be a prisoner in my home because I look a certain way? I let people's comments lower my self-esteem and confidence. That was MY fault. Why did I do that? Who are they? Are they paying my bills? Are they buying me food? No. I am no longer ashamed to be the way I am. If I disgust you, don't befriend me. It's crazy how you start believing in yourself once you stop listening to others.

Another thing I do not give a fuck about is... my weaknesses. Everyone has them. I am slowly learning to play up my strengths. All my friends know that I am hyper conscious to the point that I do not know how to take a compliment. That is because I undermine myself all the time. If someone compliments my style, I think - "yeah right, way too fat and they're saying it just because." If someone compliments my cooking, I say - "yeah, it only looks good but doesn't taste so great." I always have a negativity podcast playing in my head. Paying too much attention to our not-so-positive traits makes us insane. You have to embrace your faults, fears and uncertainties to grow as a person.

Another thing I no longer give a fuck about is... expectations. I am not going to say that they lead to disappointments etc. We all know that - it's a given! But I have learned that people will forget what you've done for them. They might not value the time, effort, and money spent on them. They might not value the mental support you provided them when they needed it. You have to think of it as... "charity." Sorry, if that's offensive. You just have to do your good deeds and forget about them. Think of it like donating your favorite pair of jeans - you smile while you do it because it has memories, and you feel good about yourself because you will be helping a person. That is exactly how I feel about helping people who do not value you. You've done something kind - forget about it. If they value you, they will certainly make that known to you. If they don't - that will eventually show too. Do not expect THEM to be the same way. They are not you. You are not them. Simple.

I think I've pretty much become immune to other people's opinions. I no longer have room for drama in my life. I am comfortable knowing that people dislike me. I am comfortable knowing that some people love me. You are not here to please the world. You are not to beg for acceptance. You are here to live - a good, full life. Do what you can and leave the rest. This pattern in thinking helps you take charge of your life. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this post. Who wants me to write more frequently? Another confession: a lot of people complained about my blogs in saying that I write about personal topics, I am too blunt, I make it obvious that I am writing about someone etc. Two nights ago, I decided that I am not gonna give a fuck about what anyone has to say about my blog. I love to write. The whole point of writing is to unapologetically express yourself. I am not going to feel bad about the language I use, the text I write and the thoughts I have.

Before I leave, I'd like to share something from the book I found extremely relevant and funny....

"In life, our fucks must be spent on something. There really is no such thing as not giving a fuck. The question is simply how we each choose to allot our fucks. You only get a limited number of fucks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care. As my father used to say, “Fucks don’t grow on trees, Mark.” OK, he never actually said that. But fuck it, pretend like he did. The point is that fucks have to be earned and then invested wisely. Fucks are cultivated like a beautiful fucking garden, where if you fuck shit up and the fucks get fucked, then you’ve fucking fucked your fucks all the fuck up."