A lot of my friends and family are well aware of the fact that I have a dog phobia. It stems from a traumatic event from childhood where I was chased by a pack of stray dogs on the street. I was 11 years old and I thought running away from them was the solution. When they all started running after me (and much faster, lol) - I didn't know what else I could to save myself. Before I knew it, my leg was grabbed by one of the dogs and I landed into the arms of a roadside sweeper. He saved me from the dogs and dropped me home.
After that incident, I avoided all contact with dogs. Lucky for me, we immigrated to Canada and I never had to deal with stray animals again. Limiting contact with dogs has only done more damage. Because I never had to come across dogs again after that incident, I never really learned how to repair that fear. In turn, I do not know how to behave in front of dogs. All that comes naturally is just anxiety and panic attacks.
I've spent the last 16 years of my life avoiding visits to my friends houses who had dogs and not going to parks and other public places where I could come in contact with them. My body starts to shiver as a natural reaction. I become completely irrational and my instinct is still to run, just like I did when I was 11. I have to admit that this phobia has greatly impacted my life. The constant checking for dogs behind me or around me in public is one of the ways I've ruined romantic walks with my husband. I've gotten out of elevators as a dog was coming in. I've waited in my car until a person beside me was getting their dog into the car. I've taken all measures to hide from them, in every situation possible.
I definitely know that I would probably need therapy to take a baby step in this direction. But I honestly cannot handle myself. My neighbours have the cutest pup. It took a lot of counselling from my husband for me to even admit that I find a dog cute. I always used to say "I hate them! (how insensitive, I know!" My hubby's a dog lover and it breaks my heart that he has to sacrifice his love for dogs when it comes to my cynophobia.
Mini rant: I hate it when people compare their phobias of snakes and other creatures to mine. You don't see a snake everyday. This is way more challenging because you encounter way more dogs in your daily life than a wild reptile. Anyway, I would like to apologize to anyone I've offended over this topic. I've argued with some friends and family in the past who believed that it was their dog that will make all the difference in the world to get over my fear. There have been times I've called people's dogs "it" rather than he/she. I believe that is grounds enough to dislike me. But in my defense, I don't know any better.
And I am sorry but I can never share the same sentiment towards a dog, when people are "aawwwww"-ing. All I am thinking about is that wagging tail, the scary looking mouth with sharp teeth and the ability to bark and jump at me any time. The problem is - those who don't have Cynophobia just don't understand. I feel bad when I go to someone's house and ask them to take their dog to the garage or backyard. To them, the dog is a member of the family that resides with them where they do. And I find it rude to have to ask them to take him/her away. But I can't help it! I guess, this is why they say, fears are not rational. I want my hubs to live his life to the fullest. That is why I am burdened with this guilt. But in all honesty, I can't help control how I feel. I cannot control physiological reactions to seeing a dog. I cannot help the shivering, the panic, the anxiety and the screaming. I don't know when this will change in my life, but I really hope I don't have to live this way like for the rest of my life.
PS: This was a difficult post to share. Please don't think I am being insensitive.
No comments:
Post a Comment