My purpose in life.

How many of you feel that you know it all? Have it all figured out? How many of you have had a spiritual awakening? Do you feel that you carry a greater purpose to life other than your regular job, home, and family?

When my family describes me, they say I am a "jack of all trades, master of none."

Who hasn't made poor decisions? I've yet to see somebody in my social circle who is a perfect 10. Perfection is over-rated anyway. I quit my last job due to some personal / health reasons. Every time my Manager would ask me, "What's your area of passion in HR?" I wouldn't answer. I am definitely not the one to say just anything to suck up to someone. I no longer have a need to impress the world. I would say, "I'll know one day. I haven't figured it out yet." She would talk about Employee Relations with the utmost passion. I just didn't see that passion in myself. So, are my parents correct?

Let's see. Degree in Criminology. Diploma in Legal studies. Job in Immigration. Then, legal transcription. Then, hating it all and wanting to do something where I could feed my innate need to "help people." How cliché, right? I am told, HR people are infamous for using this as a tag line. But that is truly why I pursued HR. Having 2 roles in HR over the last 2 years have not ignited any passion in me. Sometimes, I envy those who have it all figured out from grade 12. They follow a set path in life that is perfectly aligned with their career. And dare they fall off track!

Unfortunately, I am not that person. I have come to terms with that. I am turning 28 in 2 weeks. And I want to say, I am clueless. Going back to how my parents describe me. Is it really a bad thing?  I like to think of the fact that I can do a bit of everything - a bit of legal stuff, a bit of HR, a bit of blog writing, a bit of makeup art, a bit of counselling. I like to SHARE knowledge - whether it's makeup related, legal jargon or HR issues. Anything that involves making an impact in somebody's life - makes me happy. I am analytical. I am a thinker. And most thinkers are writers. Our minds are never off. There's a tape running all day long, at all times. But what helps me in helping others is the fact that when we are stuck in a rut, we are blind sighted. We only see what we want to see. That is where I step in and help people see the other side. That usually pisses people off. But it's for the greater good!

They say - variety is the spice of life. That's usually considered poisonous for a career path. Because if you get bored easily - you are out. All I am saying is, it may take me more time to figure out my true passion. I am still waiting for the day that my heart and mind will be content with one thing.

A person's purpose to life is not restricted to having a career. I was thinking about why I have this URGE to solve problems, mediate between parties and just create harmony. I strongly believe in peace-making. When my scales are off (you Libras know what I mean), I just can't function. Whether it's my family fighting amongst each other, my friends or colleagues - any time I see interpersonal conflict, my heart cries. All I want to do is step in and solve it. Sometimes, it's complicated. Sadly, 2018 has been the year of separation. I've seen at least 3 families going through a divorce / separation. I can't fight their legal battles but I can definitely provide emotional support and guidance along the way. And that is never to get anything in return. I have ZERO expectations from people. I do it because that IS me. I can't help it!

I don't know why I am so philosophical today but I really want to figure out the bigger picture. A few of my friends are going through a phase of "spiritual awakening" and that usually follows after a tragedy in life. What IS my purpose in life? How does God intend it to be? Over the last month, I've been more open to my spiritual self. I am not religious. But I do believe in meditation, and the power of believing. I am determined to turn around my depression. I am determined to self-love rather than self-hate. I am determined to have a healthy relationship with food, only to fuel my body and not to use it to eat my emotions. I am determined to reverse all illnesses that are hovering over me, by myself with natural remedies. I am ignoring all doctors.Those pills are to make us more sick. It's all a business! I've had such a huge shift in my mindset - it's unreal. I am sorry this blog has turned into a scattered post. I don't think before I type. It just comes out at the speed of lightning.

Ultimately, I just want to be useful. it. I also know that my nature is to strive balance in everything I do. Talking about balance, my favorite season is autumn. Why? Because it's not too hot. It's not too cold. There's a balance :) *random thoughts*

Libras are so good at hiding their emotions. I think my ultimate battle in life is to make everyone happy, which is an impossible task. In making everyone happy, I lose focus on myself. It's ironic that people who are hurting the most are usually seen laughing the most. People that help others devise a game plan have no clue about themselves. I have a strong sense of fairness and judgement for all matters except for mine. In efforts to fix things for others, I can sometimes make myself miserable. But there is something magnetic about people who connect to me. They are always going through pain. And they say, misery loves company. I tag along for the ride. And I take joy in it.

Anyway, thank you for reading guys. I don't even know if it made any sense. Can anyone relate?
PS: It's 1:00 AM. I am gonna get some sleep.