Content Warning: Quite sexual and graphic. There is nothing enjoyable in it, so lurkers please go away.
I have a real problem. Not with the porn industry. Not with the aggressive, sexual, violent, sexist and racist acts that are depicted in porn. I have a problem with women who have started to accept it as who they are. And I also have a problem with men who are so deep into it that they are unable to realize what is real and what is fantasy.
I am always inspired by feminists, and I really admire Kiran Bedi. She had a show on TV called 'Aap ki Adalat.' She dealt with issues of people who were lower class and mostly poor. The show also donated money to every case that was brought in court. The purpose was to solve problems for people, render fair decisions and save marriages. A Punjabi couple was on the show and the husband complained that the wife hits him. I was really outraged at first. The wife began to explain how it pisses her off that her husband always has "blue films" (as they call it in India) on his phone. She said, it is already bad enough that he watches it at work in groups of people (his friends), but now he comes home.. and asks me to do what the women in the film are doing.
Let's stop here for a second. The man's face was entirely blank at this point. It was definitely the truth. Not of that one Punjabi couple, but many many couples out there. You have to be seriously living on a deserted island if you are unaware of porn. Because it is so easily accessible and mostly free, there is no trouble for people to view and get addicted to it. I am not only strictly talking about porn movies, I am also talking about what is on television these days. Because I am home these days, I downloaded all seasons of Sex and the City. I was watching this particular episode where Miranda is having sex with a guy. In the midst of their entire scene, the man turns on his TV for porn while having sex. It pisses off Miranda the first time. He does the same thing the second time they have sex. She ends up asking him, "Aren't I enough?" He had to choose between the porn or Miranda. He chose porn.
In the narration of this particular scene, Carrie says.. "He chose the women he's had for years over a woman he had for a week." This just goes to show how addicted men can be. We think of porn as this 30 minute or 1 hour sexual pleasure. When men zip up and go to work, does the porn go away? No, it doesn't. Biologically, there are only so many ways you can have sex. The sex industry has portrayed all of them and more. What they can do.. to keep their business running is to sensationalize sex in every way possible. That means depicting scenes of every day life - anywhere and everywhere. The office, a bathroom, kitchen counters, babysitters, mechanics, on the road, in public restaurants and everywhere you can imagine. It triggers an element of 'possibility' along with excitement in the real consumer.
What these men don't realize after zipping up is that.. porn has not really been switched off. It may have been switched off from their TV or from their computers, but not from their brains. It is not only the porn consumer who is affected by porn. It is also the wife or girlfriend or loved ones. It really makes me angry when men want to recreate scenes from porn in real life with their partners. NO.
NO! That is just wrong. There are a lot of articles on the internet about the objectification of women in porn. There are even more articles about the sexist and racist component of porn. I don't wanna get into any of that. I just have a problem when women think it is okay to accept this kind of sexuality as a part of their nature. It pisses me off when women think they are doing something wrong to not consent to blowjobs and anal sex. NO! It is in your control what you want to do. If you are with someone who sees porn while hes making love to you, then he really isn't making love. He is just making his own porn. That is what he's doing.
Shows like Jersey Shore are definitely entertaining to watch but the culture that is seen throughout also throws out messages like, it is okay for you to be sloppy and let your boobs pop out in public. It is okay for you to flash people. It is okay for your ass hanging out while you're grinding. It is okay for you to channel parts of your body for men because they like it. No, it is NOT okay. Porn is fantasy. Our life is reality. We are too late to fix this problem. The two concepts have gotten way too mixed up and it is difficult to bring our generation out of it. But that doesn't mean we can't try. I don't even wanna get started on rapes. Porn triggers an animalistic nature in men. They feel it is okay for women to choke and gag. It is okay for men to pull their hair while they are doing so. When was the last time you heard.. that it is romantic for a man to pull back your hair while you're choking on his hot dog.
I DESPISE aggression. I hate violence. Especially when violence takes the lead role in sexuality. It is NOT sexy to watch men chain women and drag them around. It is not sexy to watch women crying with disgusting liquids all over their face. It is not okay when a man in real life says he wants to ejaculate over your stomach or breasts. It is NOT okay. There are teenagers and women who feel that this is exactly how men are supposed to treat them. They think it is okay to let men ejaculate over those parts. This is where porn becomes a huge obstacle.
I think it is absolutely disgusting and degrading for men to request their partners of such sexual fantasies seen in porn. I haven't seen anything more sad than women who say, "Yes, sir" when they are called dirty whores and sluts. I still do not understand how that is appealing or sexy to anyone. But, to each their own.
I am absolutely revolted. The documentary had some really graphic scenes of violence that definitely depict the negative effect of pornography. It did have pixelation in most of the scenes, for which I am glad, but I still cannot grasp on to the concepts shot in these non sense movies. Ironically, the industry is SO massive. It only sells big because the consumerism is big. The consumption becomes a problem when the pornstars sink into your brain and control your sexual acts in real life. It was said that people do not enjoy sex with their partners simply because what turns them on is in the movies. They didn't even orgasm by having sex with their partners. They found their partners less appealing over time. Men think of perfect figures and completely hairless bodies with your private parts that look airbrushed. I am sorry, you need to get the fuck out of your stupid fantasy and have a look at a real vagina. It looks different. A LOT different. It has hair. It is supposed to. That is how it was intended to be. Women have fat on their bodies. They have love handles, wide hips and chunky thighs. They are not supposed to have silicone breasts, perfectly round butts, expensive lighting and 10 layers of makeup on their face while they have sex with you. Again, that's porn if you already haven't noticed. Wake the fuck up.
To end this post.. what you do in your bedroom is YOUR reality. It is not porn. How you treat your girlfriend or wife is REALITY, not fantasy and definitely not porn. Treat women as human beings, not sexual objects. Do not disrespect your partner and compare their acts of intimacy to acts of pure fakeness for the means of money. They have no sentimental value. I pity those who enjoy violence. I really do. People who watch the rough stuff forget that they are dealing with human beings in their bedroom and not expensive pornstars who are paid $1200 for a scene.
I also want young women to know that embedding sexuality similar to porn is not what you're supposed to do. Wherever you feel something wrong is happening.. that isn't appealing to you - you have the liberty to say STOP. In fact, you SHOULD say stop. You make your own power. I feel it is important to talk about this kind of behavior that is becoming an issue. I know kids in highschool who say.. "Isn't this how it is supposed to be?" No, IT IS NOT. Your fake sense of belief is the money that porn industry makes. And the sad truth of it all is - it is not supposed to be that way. Be responsible for your own sexuality, gender roles and body image. Do not do something simply because you think it will give the other person pleasure. Do not sacrifice your parameters or boundaries for someone else's pleasure, especially if their vision of pleasure is aggressive porn.
Porn damages many relationships. It is not only damaging for the person watching it - it is damaging for the people connected to their lives. I could see it on that episode on Aap ki Adalat. The wife wanted a divorce and didn't want to do something against her will, just because a white chick in a movie was doing it.
For whatever reason, I feel that people aren't frank and honest enough to discuss the repercussions and consequences of pornography and its effects on our personal lives. I figured I'd say it. I am not putting myself up front to be judged. I watched a documentary and I have an opinion. And I felt like sharing it. So, I did. I don't want any negative feedback from whosoever because this isn't in any way connected to my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment