Warnings: This may be a long sense-less post for some. And I am NOT vain. I truly haven't experienced any acne/scars on my face EVER. Hence, this was a depressing time for me.
The last few days have been a reality check for me. It definitely tested my patience and self-esteem. And I just wanna share some things. Now.. for those of you who don't know.. I have NEVER had any form of acne in my entire life. I was a happy kid through puberty because I got by with a pimple or two. I never had like protruding zits or anything. In conclusion, I never had to deal with SPOTS on my face. Note, no offence meant to anyone who has/had acne. I am just sharing my feelings and experience.
I first started getting acne in 2012. This was after a diet that I took up for months. Because I had many vitamins and supplements to keep myself going on a 800 cal diet for 3 months, my skin looked wonderful. When I collapsed and withdrew from the vitamins, I started seeing pimples on my face. Now, there is a difference between getting just pimples and having acne. Acne is like an entire cluster on your face. What I learned is.. acne affects more than just your skin. It definitely creates a pathway to your emotions and makes a difference in how you feel about yourself. Imagine.. you are sitting in front of the mirror and getting ready. You are applying your makeup and before you do your foundation, you wanna conceal some places. You start by concealing your under eye circles and then move on to the pimples. You see.. two, three, six, eight.. and I just lost count. Looking at half of my cheek that needs concealing, it is quite depressing to be using concealers on a cluster of acne.
So.. I have been going to this woman at a salon near my house for 3 years. I have never got my face waxed. However, I get my upper lips and sides waxed. Sometimes, I get bumps on my face from waxing my sides. I already have sensitive skin. That's why I get my sides done may be once in 2 months. That's not a lot to take for my skin and I am comfortable with that. I do what I can to protect it. This time, I had a different lady do it. She KILLED me. I SCREAMED in pain. I knew something was done wrong. She epilated the entire area in ONE GO. The other lady understood that it's a delicate area and she did it step by step, by epilating it in 3 parts. That way, it hurts less and doesn't pull on my skin all at once. It's been a month since the lady waxed my sides and the bumps are STILL there. They added to the cluster of acne on my face.
I don't wanna confuse you.
One, I already had acne from the withdrawal of vitamins, and change of diet etc.
Two, I got more from getting my sides waxed.
Moving on...
I started the application of the cream every other day. I got through the 3 nights alright. Next day, I took 2 dosages as prescribed, morning and night. The next day, I took my morning pill. You're supposed to take it empty stomach. Right after that, I took Ventolin, which is my asthma puffer. And I headed on to the basement to do Insanity. Now.. usually, I have my Yoga Mat on the floor. But that day.. I totally forgot because it was my first day. And I started doing planks on the carpet. Our basement isn't made and it's just storage for us. We don't clean down there. I didn't know the implications of it though. So, I put my bare elbows down on the carpet and continued my push ups etc. Now.. this is what I BELIEVE what may have happened.. I think I inhaled dust mites or something.
I felt a little something in my stomach. It was a stomach cramp, perhaps. I went upstairs after my workout and started feeling nausea. I felt like I was going to throw up. I was home alone. As soon as my mom got home, I explained to her what happened. I told her about the antibiotic and how I was empty stomach. She said, I should eat something. And so, I did. Nope. Still nauseous. By the evening, I had a HIGH fever. My face was burning up and my feet were cold. I didn't know what was going on. I had a huge headache and I felt itchiness on my face, chest and arms (slight). That night was HELL for me. I slept in two blankets and my feet were still cold halfway through the night. Yet, my face was on FIRE. My acne increased by three.
So..
One, I already had acne from the withdrawal of vitamins, and change of diet etc.
Two, I got more from getting my sides waxed.
Three, I got 3x more by whatever was going on.
The next day.. my fever increased. I continued taking the antibiotic. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that I could be having an allergic reaction to the medicine. May be the 2 dosages were strong for me. I took a Tylenol every 4 hours, even in the middle of the night at 3 am. The second night was a little better in sleep because I took so many medicines and I was easily drowsy. That morning, I got up at 6 am, with my fever increasing. I went and knocked on my mom's door. Dad went and slept in my room. I slept beside mom and she did the traditional cold wash-cloth thing for 2 hours in the morning. At around 8 am, the fever went down a little bit. I went to sleep till 10:30 am. That night, I was going to sleep when my mom pointed out that I have rashes ALL OVER my chest. Like a million of them, I am not even kidding. I thought the acne spread to my neck and chest. I was even MORE worried. Next morning, my dad booked an emergency appointment with the doctor. He reported it as a 'Drug Reaction.' The doctor was surprised because the family of chemicals in the antibiotics he suggested was from a very low end meaning very tolerable. It does not give people allergic reactions. In fact, he said.. I may be one in a million to get it. That is when I began to question whether it is the medicine or the fact that I exercised on an old and not vacuumed carpet. Was it the dust mites? Or the pills?
Anyway.. he prescribed Reactine for the allergic reactions. I have been taking Reactine for 2 days now and my allergies have gone down by 85 percent. I cannot tell you guys how thankful I am. This was truly a depressing time. For a person like me.. who has never had any facial problems *touchwood* I was beginning to think that the acne will never go away =(
Clearly, the emotional consequences of acne were much larger than the physical.. at least for me. All these 5 days when I looked in the mirror, I saw a very ugly person. I am sorry, but that is just how I felt. I felt that I will now have to invest into high end concealers and always do a good job concealing all these acne scars on my face, chest and neck. What depressed me more was the fact that I tried on my engagement dress just A DAY before all of this happened. It fit so nicely and it was a low neck, so the cleavage was a part of it. As soon as I got the allergies all over my chest, I felt so depressed about how I am going to wear the dress and whether I would be able to carry it off anymore. It was not a happy feeling. Especially with your irritable and itchy.. nothing really seems right.
During this whole episode.. I actually realized the great emphasis of appearance in our society. Not only our society.. within my friends too. I have relatively always received positive comments about my appearance (again, not being vain) and I felt that I would lose all that. The prevalence of my acne was taking me to a place of guilt and shame. I don't know why.. but I felt responsible for it. I became so conscious. At one point, I asked Nish whether he'd still be attracted to me after this. I had mentally made a note to myself not to go out much anymore. So, that I don't have to show myself to other people. I was suddenly embarrassed of going out. I am not even exaggerating. I may be silly feeling all of these things.. but this is truly how I felt.
And as of now..
It is not confirmed what the cause of the allergies were.. but they have mostly gone away.
My neck and chest have cleared up. With Reactine, I feel that the acne that I got from waxing has also gone away. That means I am only left with the acne that I previously had (because of my diet changes). Now, it's not in clusters anymore. May be, really small ones. It is still visible and very much there. I am gonna continue with the cream treatment for another 6 weeks to seek some results. I will discontinue the antibiotics and try to get my money back. And I will no more feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed of having acne. So, what if I never had it before? So, what if I just developed it? It is not the end of the world. You know how I know that? Because only we look in the mirror and think these crazy things. People who love us will still love us the same, no matter what. I thought that would lose my appearance.. but no.. you remain beautiful either way. Yes, it can be depressing at times seeing these stupid spots all over our face, especially when they bleed.. but it's a part of life. There are treatments, cures and dermatologists with great products that can reduce acne over time.
It's too bad we live in a world where there is a great emphasis on beautiful, radiant skin. And seeing commercials as such may put us out of place but behind all that airbrushing and makeup.. those models do not have a 100 percent perfect skin either. The truth is.. we are told to be PERFECT in a world of IMPERFECTIONS. So, it is only natural that we feel this way. And to be honest, I don't think that a lot of people care how we look. It is usually ME.. sitting on a bus and thinking.. that woman or that man is looking at this huge zit on my forehead. Yeup. That's what they are staring at. But no, they are not. People have their own busy lives to deal with. People don't care that you are suffering from acne. They care how you carry yourself and what kind of a person you are. It's all about confidence. Remember, that blog about confidence and faking it? Chances are.. they would rather laugh at your witty jokes than to inspect your pimples. We just gotta be in the right frame of mind and understand that this is FORTUNATELY a problem with a variety of cures and treatments. And again, (even though I felt like this 5 days through) it is NOT the end of the world.
Oh.. and here is a picture of what I went through.. for those people who think I might be a beauty queen who is exaggerating.
Warning: IT IS GRAPHIC. Oh wait, it's too late for that.
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