Possessiveness is not love. Period.

Okay, I MUST clarify this for the ten millionth time. Possessiveness is NOT love. It stems from insecurity and the person's own low self-esteem. There is a THICK line between these two. You cannot mistaken these two easily. A healthy relationship allows both people enough space so your love does not end up suffocating you. A commitment is not easy, especially if one of you is really jealous, over-protective and possessive. You're not supposed to own each other or make each your property. You're supposed to 'belong.' And if you're not allowing each other to grow and evolve with each other in a free manner, then you may need to re-think it all.

I am a free spirit. A social animal. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing. I cannot, I emphasize, CANNOT be tied down. I hate having restrictions put on me. I hate having to justify and clarify myself for the pettiest issues. That just means there is no understanding in the relationship. If a person is questioning your behaviour, your friendships, and whatever else that goes around you - there's a problem.

The most obvious sign of possessiveness is the fact that one person wants to be in control of everything. Another is "punishing" you for going against their wishes. I am going through this from the past two days. And it's not cool. You cannot avoid someone's messages or phone calls and make them miserable for something they have not even done. I don't know why possessive men get all vindictive and choose to go with such punishing behaviour, giving you silent treatment and making you sulk. The whole idea here is to make you feel guilty for daring to make your own choices, which are not even wrong.

A relationship with a possessive man questions a woman's innate right to live the way she likes. I live on my own terms. My blog's title is "My Life, My Way" for Christ's sake. I cannot handle these bouts of punishment for no apparent reason. It's difficult to put up with clarifying why you think/do whatever you do. If you cannot respect my own judgment, thinking, and actions - then you're not only questioning my ability to make good choices for myself, but even doubting my character, somewhat. And I don't tolerate that.
Talk about silent treatment. If you give me silent treatment for two days, I'll give it to you for two months. That's how spiteful I can be when I am certain that I did not do anything wrong. Don't take advantage of the fact that I bother to fulfill your wishes and do whatever you say, just to make YOU happy. Don't automatically assume that I do those things because I want to. I really don't.

If you can get pissed off over me accidentally laying eyes on another man, like someone passing by in a parking lot - then you have some serious issues to deal with. If you're gonna constantly doubt my motives and seek control in everything I do - I will set myself free and leave. I am my own person and not your puppet. I don't like fighting over petty issues. I mean, come on. I am giving you all the attention, care and love in the world as well as making so many sacrifices despite my actual desires and you STILL find something to complain about every two days - not cool. Very sorry to say.

All men and women are created equal. Everyone is entitled to make their own decisions without conforming to pressure and control from another human being. That is going against the laws of nature. Free choice is at the heart of all human beings. Men have various double standards. And if you guys read my blogs, you must have figured out by now - that it's not just my bold nature but also my femininity that makes me take a stand against all these issues concerning the inequality of gender.

There is also a thin line between romance and manipulation. Possessive people can easily manipulate you into thinking it's all love and care. The often used phrase is, "Because I love you.." Just because it's flattering to have someone who claims not to be able to live without you, doesn't mean I will put up with all the insecurity, jealousy and possessiveness associated with it. And I have been in an abusive relationship before. So, I stand no chance to put myself through that. I don't need all this emotional baggage with a good relationship. This is not the definition of a good relationship. It's not long before all this jealousy and possessiveness either turns into self-harm or abuse for your partner. And this is not what I signed myself up for.