The engagement battleground

Hey lovelies.

Hope you are having a fantastic day so far. Just what you were hoping for, another marriage post. Right? Haha. Well, here it goes. After much consideration and conversations with my engaged ladies and soon to-be-brides. We have kind of arrived to similar issues. And so I thought... why not put them in list form? Because that will make it sound more petty than it already is.

To start off, for all my newly engaged ladies.... don't we want everything as shiny as the ring on your finger? Sorry to break the bubble, it isn't. Shit happens time to time and some women will even take off the ring and toss it. I say, go for it, rather than taking on a lifetime of bullshit.

After being engaged, the pressure rises to a new altitude. It's not about table covers, schemes or picking the venue. Well, picking the venue could be troublesome for those who miles away from the other side. Coming to a middle point could be tricky there. But anyway, being a bride isn't as appealing as people make it because most brides don't share the kind of emotional turmoil they are put through. Sometimes, engagements don't work out. People argue to the utmost level and the excitement of the wedding is instantly diminished. It's funny how little meaningless decisions can totally alter a very important, life-altering decision. It can happen.  Following is a list that I've put together after a couple of meet and greets over the last while with those women who are currently engaged or planning to be.

1. Family

The major one by far is family. Now, how can I put this politely? Our parents have those grey hair for a reason. They are older, wiser and way more mature. They can predict our future just by looking at what's going on in the present. It may not be true for all parents. But at least for those who are best friends with their children and have had an active role in their upbringing. Stereo-typically, the Godzilla tends to be the groom's mother. It's not true of all cases. But again, going by what I've seen or heard from other people - this is often the case. Couples waste their time entangling themselves in arguments that aren't even theirs. They are the business of the parents. Especially in South Asian culture, where discussing rituals and procedures is extremely important, disagreements can arise. It is also important to keep in mind that in our culture, one's wedding is not only the couple's business, it's the entire family's business too. So, everyone will have different expectations from it. They will make suggestions and also go as far as being stubborn for what they want in the wedding. At times like these, couples may also get defensive about their own parents. But this creates a divide - "your family" said this while "my family" said this. Ideally, you are all supposed to get together in one big family. But if parents on either side start acting up, what can you really do? Also, remember that words always stay with you. Be careful when you you bicker through this phase. You will remember the things forever. I've come to the understanding that couples shouldn't get involved in anything that their parents can take care of. We should only step in when something isn't going the right way.

2. Money

Believe it or not, money could be an issue. Not that you don't have it. The fact that you have it too. More could be expected of you if you have the money. It could be taken for granted. Never talk money openly if your partner is a jerk. He will use it against you at some point sooner or later. The money talk should remain with you and your parents. Some people also relate money with prestige. But you're not gonna empty out your pockets for someone's prestige. To hell with that, they can do that themselves. Do whatever is sufficient, no need to go overboard. Whatever you do for the engagement, double will be expected for the wedding.

3. Cultural/Religious Difference

Wondering why the other side isn't making an effort to understand your traditions? Because they don't want to. Weddings make people selfish. They can go to the length of making the groom or bride uncomfortable to have their wishes fulfilled. Some people are crazy religious. You all know I am not. Also, some people blindly believe in anything priests say (Read more about that here). If you are two cultures, come to a 50-50 decision. Never let the other side have it their way only because you think the girl's side should make the compromise. The century we live in today, women are making more progress than men. It is crazy to think that the wedding time should change that. Also, if your parents think that way, make sure you play an active role in altering their mentality regarding this issue. Also, a lot of people tend to forget the wedding revolves around 2 people who are tying the knot. It's not about how many rituals the rest of the world follows. The rituals are not to show your town or your relatives. Only participate in rituals you really believe in.

4. Venue

As I said earlier, the territory could be a huge issue. Picking a venue is tricky for people who live miles away. Ex. If the groom is from New Jersey and the bride is from Toronto, where are you gonna settle? We're talking two different countries. For some people, it's about the same country, but different provinces. For others, it's about the same provinces, different cities. For some people, it's just about being selfish and picking the convenience of themselves and their relatives. They literally wanna walk to the venue. But that's ridiculous in every sense. This is a tough decision because it involves emotions, rituals and practicality of costs. But you gotta look at what's reasonable. Three of the brides I spoke to had the same issue. They were requested to go to the groom's city. All of their parents brought up the very understood and common norm - that the bride departs from her home. I think the entire world knows that. But people still question it. And that ticks me off. Having to explain something so understood is annoying. Plus, in our culture, the wedding and reception are 50-50 of a celebration.  The reception always follows the wedding day in the groom's city. So, they have the opportunity to have the other 50 percent of celebration as well.

5. Groom Involvement

This is perhaps the most common one out there. He doesn't care about the linen, colours, music or whatever. He doesn't even wanna talk about it. This is true of most men. But there are some kind men out there who want to be involved in the wedding as much as their bride is. They want to make her dream wedding day come true. Very few men will actually think of it this way. Some men could also be jealous that they had to compromise their venue. So, they could have resentment towards the wedding because they didn't get to have it their way. That doesn't mean you should give up on them. If he doesn't want to participate in the most important day of your life, then let it be. Hopefully, he will realize it sooner or later.

Honourable mentions:- 

1. The 'Call it off' Threat

You will often hear couples bickering after their engagement. Firstly, that fades any excitement you previously had for the wedding. Also, you'll  hear guys say this after a fight.. "I am not gonna marry a girl like you!" My answer to that is... hold on, let me switch my ring from my ring finger to the middle finger and stick it up to your face. If this was said to me, I would take my ring off right there and then. This is the worst thing you cay say to someone after being engaged to them. You have got to contain your anger and emotions and still manage to be half-decent even when arguing. They say, you are half-married when you get engaged. So, you've got to remember to treat each other with respect even if there are disagreements. But if you hear this threat often from your partner, it's time to take off that ring and throw it in his face, if that's what he really wants.

2. Re-evaluation

We often start to question whether our spouse-to-be is the right person during the engagement phase. I think it's okay to do that because if they are being total assholes, then you're better off having to re-examine the relationship. Sometimes, people don't show their true colours until after the engagement. So, better than being stuck forever, you should take the time to evaluate the kind of behaviour that's been thrown your way. Or it could go the other way and re-strengthen your bond. Your relationship can take on a new character in this time and it's up to the couple how low they want to stoop during arguments. I suggest keeping it to a level where respect isn't lost. Because let's be honest, if there is no love and no respect, then there is absolutely no reason for you to be in that relationship. Well, that's how I take it. It could be different for you. Also, keep in mind that things were better when you were dating. Why? Because it was in the private. Parents notice your flaws and start critiquing your relationship. That is important because sometimes we don't see things that others see. Once your relationship is public after the engagement, you will hear questions from those around you and that may make you feel uneasy about your relationship. But keep in mind, that it's only YOUR feelings and thoughts that count towards the final decision.

Soooo... my ladies... this is everything that I could come up with. Let me know if I missed out on other aspects of being engaged. I would love to read it. You can comment below as Anonymous. Have a fabulous day ahead =)