The madness of PR

Once upon a time, I befriended a guy at my college. He was a total fob. He told me he was a Permanent Resident here. I had my own doubts. And no, he wasn't. He used to cheat off all of my tests in class. He even sold his textbooks because he used to sit with me at my desk and share mine. I tried to help him out thinking he had a language barrier. But no, he just wanted free marks and someone to flirt with. There was a point we stopped talking, and it was really ugly. Later, I found out he is here on a Student Visa. It didn't come as a surprise. He also had a friend who was on a Student Visa. But his girlfriend was a Canadian Citizen. So, this fob waited for the right opportunity to start talking to his friend's girlfriend and eventually stole her away, in the hopes that he'd marry her and get an easy PR.

That's one story.

Two, I was a part of a cultural show at college a couple of years ago. A man came up to me and complimented my singing. He also asked me to dance with him and give him my number. Well, of course he didn't get my number. And I took him to my group where I was dancing with the rest of my friends. And then I disappeared. He hunted me down on social media. It wasn't tough finding me online being one of the 3 people up on stage that night. The entire college had seen me. Anyway, he tried many ways to kinda flirt and lure me into him. Before he could do any of that, one of my friends told me that his status in Canada is expiring and he is only looking for a girl to marry to get the PR. And the funny thing was, that friend of mine had already married him for it. He was just looking for something outside that. And he also had a girlfriend in India whom he wanted to settle down with once he got his PR. So, the man thought that women are toys and that the world revolves around him.

Three, one of my long distance friends just got married and divorced within a short period of time. Why? She thought she was marrying a PR. After the wedding, when the couple was to begin their honeymoon prep, he told her he can't fly anywhere. Why? Because he is not even a refugee here and he has no travel permit to go anywhere. My friend felt deceived and left him. He managed to make her believe he had Permanent Residency by showing her a fake document. It wasn't until she discovered his documents of appeal in their closet after the wedding.

Four, when I was in high school, a guy used to follow me and my friends around. He was friends with one of my best friends. So, I couldn't totally avoid him if he was in the circle. He started to express his interest in me, and mind you, I was 16 years old. I was in grade 11, give me a break. The man brought his parents to my school and sent someone to get me out of class. I had to cry in front of his parents and tell them how annoying their son is because he stalks me all day long. Surprisingly, his parents said... "We know you are only 16 but maybe you can start thinking about it now, so that you guys can get married in a couple of years." Uh, what the fuck? No. Who are you? Geez.

I had to be really rude to his parents to make them understand that their son needs some sort of a mental treatment and the fact that I DO NOT like him even 0.0001%. A couple of years later, I saw his picture on a renowned Toronto newspaper in regards to fraud. At the time I met him, he was not a PR. A couple of years later, he was. He married a girl back home and left her there. He came back here and started blackmailing her with dowry and other monetary demands. Three years later, I put my hands together and thanked God for saving me from such a cheap psycho.

Five, I attended a wedding in India in 2005. I was 14 years old. The video was sent across UK to the cousins and family of the groom. Someone had seen me on there and called mom for a rishta. I was FOURTEEN. Why? Because the dude was in UK but he didn't have a status in the country either. During the same time, I had met one of my distant family friends at the wedding. His mother called here when I turned 18 requesting for a rishta as well. When my mom said, 'She is too young!' The lady said, then can we arrange for a paper marriage because I really want my son to come to Canada.

I have never seen my mom so furious. She doesn't bad mouth anybody but this was one lady that got insulted over the phone that day. Like, WHAT IS THE THOUGHT PROCESS when these people talk about alliances? What do they think? Do they think anything? Do they not realize how foolish they sound?

Do you see the point here? I can go on and on and on. These are just 5 stories regarding me and my friends. I have many more but the common denominator here is PR.

Do men think women are props? Toys? The value of marriage has now fallen to a level where it is hard to respect it. We are going back to the days where marriage used to be a financial contract between a peasant (most likely the girl's father) and a serf. They used to give their daughters away and take money for it. These days, marriage is a similar contract in exchange for PR. There is fraud all over the world. There are women who actually take money for it. But what really pisses me off is how prevalent this has become in our society today.

I know a couple of girls who were fooled into believing these fraudulent men. I am suspicious of everything... so let me tell you a couple of things. If a man is asking you for a lot of help pretty early on in the relationship, it is not a good sign. I once had a friend who was dating a man in another province. He asked her to send him money for his car in the 2nd month they were dating. That was a red flag for me. I warned her. And I have warned 50 billion other friends of mine, but nobody listens to me until they get hurt themselves. So, her money was gone and so was that guy. Happy relationship you two =) I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but you should always be careful, especially in a world where scam marriages and dishonest partners are trending.

Be careful of guys who rush you into marriage very early on. Marriage is a huuuuuge decision. Do not take it lightly by any means. I know there is less stigma here about divorced women and they usually end up finding another good partner, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you need to rush into it. Take YOUR time. Do not let the guy make you feel guilty for needing time to make a decision.

Also be careful of guys who keep their life very secretive. They don't introduce you to their friends or relatives or tell you lies about their family. If you are really suspicious, try to get more information out of them if you can, even if that means a little bit of snooping. It's for your own good! Drive them nuts if you have to. The true character of a person shows when they are angry. And stay away from pathological liars. Do not hope for it to get better. If a person has lied to you about many different things, the idea is... he will continue lying.

Lastly, listen to your heart but make sure you take that brain with you too. Your partner may claim to love you all he wants through messages, presents and other things but TREATS you like shit... forget about it. You have to look at how a guy treats you not only in front of other people but in private as well. And there are some pretty obvious indicators as well - i.e. he isn't spending anything on you while you are spending a fortune.

The important question is: Do you trust this person? If you don't.... then don't even think about it. I can smell one crappy relationship and the end won't be pretty. A lot of immigrant men have pursued their interest in me in the past. And I could just tell what they were on about through the way they talked. You just have to trust your instincts.

If you hit up a Google search, "Fraudulent marriages in Canada," you can read a lot more about the issue. Some articles have great insight and you can be more aware of the men you are dating (if they are immigrants!)

PS: This article is not biased. I absolutely acknowledge the other side of the coin: women. But that's for a later post!