"Other" people!

Having a disagreement with him yesterday, made me realize... we care a lot about what other people think. We care about the way our image, character and reputation are preserved within our social circle. We care about the kind of impressions we leave people with. Depending on the individual, the severity of this "other-people-worry" may vary. For me, I care about the petty things - i.e. table manners in a restaurant, not talking loudly over the phone on transit, not talking about personal matters when in a public place etc.

The bigger things such as - what people might label you, what do they think of your character, and what they say behind your back are actually the smaller things for me. It's different for everybody. So, why should we fear criticism and judgment from others? Well, firstly.. I think it's somewhat a good idea to care about what people think. It provides us with this protective shield where we know what stepping outside the line will do to our reputation/character. 

Secondly, it becomes a problem when you start taking these "other" people a little too seriously. Something is wrong when you ask them for opinions about your problems, and take their answers to be the right ones. You should be doing your decision-making yourself. Analyze it YOUR way, not somebody else's way. They haven't been in your shoes, so they cannot in the right mind provide you with the best advice. There are some people who cannot take decisions without the validation of others. I do that too. I always consult my family and Nish before I take any step. But, I always know MY answer first. I just cross-check to see what others have to say about it. And these "others" are only my family. 

Over the weekend, I had issues with some people about what people they think if I say or do things that do not conform to the "Indian-ness" of a female. I am sorry, I am not ignorant or uneducated. I will definitely think the way I always have my entire life. I was raised here. And there is no reason for you to pass your judgment because the colour of my skin is brown. We are brought up in two completely different cultures, and our values differ. 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that people have their own agenda. And you cannot control what other people think. Even if you confront them, it's useless. It might stop them from saying things about you on your face or behind your back, but it can never stop them from THINKING those things about you. That perception about you is already made. Why even put in the effort of changing it? What difference does it make? If somebody is more interested in you, rather than themselves - it says a lot about them. 

We cannot live by the opinions of others. I am not a people-pleaser, and I never have been. I probably never will be either. I will continue to say things exactly how I feel them. I will manipulate them when I have to. And I can be diplomatic where needed. We all do that. We all change our opinions all the time. Our thinking also changes over time. The person who tries to please everybody to get the "right report" from them about their reputation or character will only end up disappointed in the end. Because the truth is, you cannot please everybody.

You know what I say? Please YOURSELF. Like I am, having fresh strawberries early in the morning and blogging my thoughts away.. =) Cheers!  I hope everybody has a great Monday.