Peace of Mind, please?

I am also scared of the same fact she is. I am scared of losing my loved ones. Or one. We haven't spoken in four days now. It's not the easiest thing. I feel like an insomniac. I haven't slept properly in three days. It's not a good feeling. I used to pride myself in being a balanced individual who is not so gaga in love. I used to mock people who would make sacrifices and compromises, and always encouraged self-needs before anything else. I begin to question my own principles, sometimes. I guess things change, when new people enter your life. New experiences make up for new theories of things. New things make up for new ideologies and different understandings of life. This is what we all do. This is growing up, right? Making sense of the world? That sense changes over time when friends come and go, when our heart is broken, when we are betrayed, when we fail at something, or achieve too much. It's a constant change. It never stops.

What does this suggest? We shouldn't stop either. Time doesn't stop for anyone. And we should also pick up ourselves with the pace of time. I wanna try and connect to the idea that past should be left in the past. This is probably one of the top reasons couples have problems. No one wants to hear about hurtful things. And if you use someone's past against them, to judge them.. oh boy! Now, I am just rambling. All of this is random and does not connect. Oh well. I can't make sense all the time, lol.

In all seriousness, I miss him. A lot. We are just too different. With totally different definitions of love. Different ways of loving. Different ways of expression. Different ways of caring. Everything is distinct. This has been a problem, more than a good thing.

My eyes are SO red today. I haven't slept properly since Saturday night. Maybe a maximum of 4 hours each day. I am not doing this on purpose. I really just can't sleep. I am also worried about graduation since last night. I slept from 9:00 pm - 1:00 am last night and I haven't slept since. I have classes till 8:00 pm today. But most likely, I will be going home and skipping that class. It's the introduction today, anyways. I can't spend another 7 hours at university.. in this condition.

The best thing: Every time there is a fight, argument, disagreement.. we always sort it out. At the end of the day, we are holding hands and looking at each other, smiling. Sometimes, we sit and wonder.. why were we even arguing? We don't hold grudges, there is just so much love.  But this time, it's different. My previous blog (about being bottled up) explains why we haven't solved anything. It is because I don't wanna even say anything. I am so over explaining myself and clarifying things. Now, I just wish... there was an automatic level of understanding between us. But there isn't. I will remain bottled up, till the time I can. Let's see, what that brings me to. Sorry for rambling guys.