Clearing the air OR emotional pollution? I pollute.

Hi. What am I on about today? It's a reference to an 'Anonymous' comment once again. Regarding misunderstandings and how to go about dealing with them. For starters, conflict is an inevitable part of our lives. Misunderstanding and conflict are a normal part of communication. Disagreements and differences are also important elements to being human. That's how we differentiate ourselves from others, on basis of our 'own' thoughts, beliefs and opinions. It's up to us to avoid, ignore, or embrace those differences. It's up to us to respect those differences or to let ourselves be further distant. It's up to us whether we handle those differences with a confrontation or in our own minds and in the comfort of our solitude. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it. My way is - "extreme."

You might be longing for an expansion on the "extreme" theory of mine. Alright. I do things to the extreme. Either I will be exceptionally outspoken and confront the person, first hand OR I will be peculiarly quiet and never let the person hear of me. How do I decide which way to use? Well, for arguments that are petty and insignificant, I tend to be outspoken just because I can get it over with (when I am right that is). And if I am emotionally attached to someone, and I have sentiments or feelings (whether it be a guy or a girl, best friends, or a lover), I just don't say anything. Usually because I am deeply hurt by the existence of a misunderstanding. And if I interpret that someone has wronged me, I don't even let them hear my side of the story, simply because I don't think they deserve to. I may be wrong here. But that's just how I am. I become awkwardly stubborn and don't believe in solving anything out, at least for a while. Once I cool down and am free of anger and other emotions, then I usually find a way to resolve it (if it's worth it). If I don't think it's worth it, I would let the silence continue over weeks, months or even years (not necessarily holding a grudge). I tend to let things go once the time has passed. The anonymous person who commented addressed the fact that misunderstandings should be immune of time if you loved the person or they meant something to you at one point of time. Sure, I agree with you, somewhat. For me, confrontations should take place in the heat of the moment. If you let something sit in your heart for a considerable amount of time, that particular issue is then loathed with other things and assumptions you might start making about the person. It's not a good idea to let that happen for a long time, before it's too late. Yes, there IS something called "too late." It's not a coincidence that Timbaland broke the charts with "It's too late to apologize." And I believe in that "time value" ironic to the person who commented.

You know, it happens. I am sure it has happened to many of you. Best friends can become strangers. Lovers can become enemies. That's just the way human nature is. But then again, it's YOU who has the control to guide the flow of the situation and get a grip on your emotions. It's you who can turn around the negative into positive and vice-versa. Keeping your ego aside is a very important factor in all of this. Usually, this is the common cause of most ruined friendships. And I will openly admit, that I am too an egoistic individual and I let my ego come in the way of many relationships (but usually for a short while, or may be for a lifetime for a person I don't see as capable of solving things with). I hear, the sign of a true friendship is to disregard ego and make the first move. In that case, let's assume I wasn't a true friend. The reality then holds, that she wasn't a true friend either. On November 8th of this year, it will be "a whole year" since we spoke.

The example of such a friendship that I thought was worth clearing out even after five years was with Apra. I had short-term misunderstandings with Arshia as well. But for people I consider dear to me, I was ready to walk that extra mile and solve things out, even if it took weeks or months. I just think that it takes "two" to create a misunderstanding (may not be in ALL cases). Even if one person is sensible enough to think the friendship is worth saving, they would make the effort. On my side, I didn't think it was, taking in accordance all facts and issues of the situation. If the other person thinks similarly, then there you go. You have the conclusion. If either one of us wanted to remain friends, it would have happened by now. Clearly, it hasn't.

You know, it's simple. What is "mis-communication?" Ignore the prefix, and the keyword is "communication" and that's how you can eliminate that prefix. Just communicate. I reckon, it's not that simple but if you find it worthy, you will take that extra step for the sake of your relationship. What is "mis-understanding?" Again, get the hint here. You just failed to understand the person. Either you were not able to develop that understanding in the first place, or some incident or whatever distorted your understanding. That doesn't mean things cannot be fixed. Every problem has a solution. It's just YOU who has to do something about it, if you want to, that is.

Friends are precious. They are not easy to make but easy to lose. It takes years to build trust and a comforting relationship. You should not let that trust waiver in the midst of misunderstandings and merely rely on 'hearsay' especially if there's a "middle person" involved. Every single time I have experienced a miscommunication, it was usually due to that middle person communicating something wrong to both sides. Get the hint, here? And that's how many valuable friendships have been ruined over the years. That's my take on it. To the person who anonymously commented, I hope this blog highlighted many of the elements of a misunderstanding.

Note: Sometimes, I sort misunderstandings JUST to clear the air, and end up saying things I really don't mean. Sometimes, I also apologize for things that are not my fault. Because no one likes dis-harmony. And everyone likes to be at peace. But in this particular case, I stuck to my solitude and never really told this particular group of friends how I truly felt. Because sometimes, things left unsaid ARE the best :)