Love or venom?

We often hear that relationships are sometimes toxic. It's true. The ones that are based around possessiveness, insecurity, threats, drama, angst and inequality. Some might get to experience all of these in a single relationship and others might see hints of these in distinct relationships. So, why am I talking about this? Because.. whenever I have a friend tell me about how they're being treated like crap, it ticks me off. The only thing I say is.. "well, why are you still in it, fool?" The answer ain't that easy.

It's absolutely hard to unfold the reality when people are deep in love. They often don't see or sense things that others do. Dealing with jealousy is something a lot people find hard to do, including myself. Some show it, some don't. If your relationship is based upon all these insecurities, it's not gonna stand strong in the long run. I honestly detest.. I repeat.. DETEST guys who want to know details of the past. Like, I am telling you what you need to know. You needn't know where we hung out or spent our time. You needn't know about our degree of closeness. It just makes things all the more hard. Some people are honest and spill their guts out. But in my opinion, that's just gonna do you harm later on. Because for some reason, people love to bring up the past at a time when you least expect it. They save it as a big weapon for the ultimate fight you're gonna have, to use it against you. And you thought you were being clean and honest? Hmph!

I have also learnt that people who have low self-confidence will try to put you down as well. For example, (this is a shallow example but still) SOME people compare their partners on the basis of looks. I once had a guy tell me this.. "You have an inferiority complex because I am good looking and you're chunky!" Seriously? Thank god, this was said after the relationship was over. Can I say "asshole?"
As if your balls were in your eyes the whole time we were together and you couldn't see that I am chunky? You notice it when we're not together! And he was the person who couldn't even stand between two people and make a freaking conversation! Talk about confidence. Geez.. I pity such people. They build so much of anguish inside them and it all comes out when they break up. Talk to each other while you're IN a relationship. Say things you don't like and you do like. COMMUNICATE for Pete's sake.

My friends are gonna kill me after reading this.. but honestly, why do you even ask for advice? You know what's the formula to a successful relationship? Don't publicize it! Keep it to yourself and your partner. Work things out. Ofcourse, we need friends as our support system when we're going through a break up. But please, I can't be there for you every other week when there's a fight and you believe it's a break up. I sit there lecturing you, and you're back to him the next day. It's SUCH a waste of time, for the both of us.

Here are some things you guys should do when you're experiencing insecurities and if the other person's being too controlling of you.
1. Give yourself a reality check - do you really want this for the long run? Can you be happy this way?
2. Ask yourself some serious questions - about where it's going and what's it gonna be if the crap continues?
3. Communicate - very important! Sometimes, it's good to hold things in but other times, it's better to let them out so the other person knows where you're coming from.
4. Get a life outside of your relationship* - this is a super important one. When people are committed, their relationship becomes the world all of a sudden. No honey, look out of it. There's much more out there.

And 'I spy'.. 
Below are some real life examples that I have experienced or see friends go through. I am sure most girls can relate to at least one or two.

1. Jealousy - somehow, I've always had Taurus friends and relationships. A lot of Taurus people drive me nuts because they hide emotions. Even if they are jealous or possessive, they don't show you. So, I have actually tried to purposely create a scene for jealousy, you know just to check if they even have feelings. Next thing you know they have a freakin' turkey instead of a heart or something :/

2. Possessiveness - I once had a dude tell me to wear proper clothes. Are you kidding me? If I leave the house in my clothes and my parents think I am dressed appropriate, do you REALLY think I give a rat's ass about your opinion? If you asked me to stop wearing low necks (which I don't wear much of anyway), I'd be like okay. But if you think a normal top is bad because other people are staring at my goodies, you need a life, my friend. (And I thought cleavage was a good thing - *rolls eyes*)

3. Insecurity - I've had someone SPY on me. Literally, I mean "spy" on me to find out my details. Like okay buddy, we're three weeks into dating and you're running the character checks on me. Wow, get a life?

4. Inequality - the major one. I wanna dedicate an entire blog to this. A lot of guys don't find that equality is important in a relationship.. in terms of decision making, respect, things you do. I don't understand how it's okay for one person to do something, and not the other simply because she has a vagina. Like please? We don't live in a 'pind' here. Thank you!

5. Absurd Expectations - The popular one is to decrease contact with your male friends. Why? Does it give your wiener a complex? I don't understand why you can't be friends with people that are the opposite sex. Like, is that the degree of your insecurity? It's a clear expectation to stop flirting, duh. But being friends? Also when your friends know that your committed? What's wrong with you?! 


Anyway, that was my rant. Hope y'all have a good day =)