So, it's 4:08 am and I cannot go to sleep. Anyone else having a tornado of thoughts they just cannot sleep past? Well, I am. How do you guys cope with change? I can't seem to take it very well.
It's really starting to hit me that I am gonna be married by the end of this year. Another one of my good friend just got proposed to and she is getting married around the same time as me. Congratulations 'K!'
Another one of my good friends just got married in Pak and came back. My best friend is moving out of the country in a month, and God knows when she will be back. My mom is going through sudden ill health. My brother has moved back home and it's weird to see him home everyday because he's been out for 4 years. I've gone through a tough phase of constant problems with the partner. It lasted many months and it was one of the hardest times of my life, so far. I also haven't lost a pound in the longest time. I am exercising but my diet is not working for me. My sleep times are odd. 2014 so far hasn't been very exciting but I am really praying that the rest of the year turns out better.
In sum, I have lots of goals but zero time. Then, I've somehow managed to get through my make-up course. But I am having crazy break-outs on my skin. My face had started to look good after months of using Avocado oil, but that's all screwed up now. I don't know if any of the MakeupForever products I use at school are causing something. It could be the person's brushes too. God knows if they clean it at home. You can't question anybody! I clean my brushes at the end of each class so it is ready to go for the next. I can't say the same for others. I've had an entire cheek full of break-outs and it is not going away any time soon. Even the oil isn't helping at the moment. So, after my final exam (which is approaching), I am not gonna wear any makeup for a month and just keep my skin clean to heal as much as I can.
My coping mechanism at the moment is literally just tuning everything out and being in denial. It feels as if... in an instant, my life is gonna change forever. And I know that is pretty much true. Did most of you feel that way when you were getting married? The good thing is... I have developed a liking for running. As most of you know, I have been using an inhaler since high school and I couldn't exercise it. But from the last couple of weeks, I have been working on my stamina and I can finally run for longer than 10 minutes without the use of the inhaler. That, to me is huge. Because I've never been able to do that. I am excited and I've built up to 20 minutes of constant running. And I am positive that it will only increase. There was a time I couldn't run more than 2 minutes. I am 19 lbs down from my highest weight.
Journaling really helps. Whether I come here to blog it out or pick up a pen to jot down stuff - it is therapy for me. So, I invested $40 on a Wedding Planner which I realized was pointless because I could have printed everything off online. Although it is nice to have a ring binder to carry around to vendors when finalizing details. Plus, I can add in my own pages of notes plus images or samples of fabric or anything else that relates. So, I take that back. It may not be completely useless.
When stress starts to seep in, I tell myself a couple of things constantly. And hey, it might be useful to you bride-to-be's as well:-
1. It is gonna be YOUR day. So do it how you and your fiancee want it. Do not go crazy fulfilling everyone's wishes. Take in account everyone's feelings but don't sacrifice your own. Because it is your day and it won't come again.
2. It is only ONE day. So, spending a fortune on crazy things does not make any sense. Your marriage lasts a couple of hours, and before you even realize, it's gonna be over. Spend on things that are worth it - a good videographer and photographer is a must. The only way you can truly get to see what you weren't able to see on the wedding day is through the eyes of your video guy. So, make sure he's well worth it.
3. Think about your loved ones. Gather them, and celebrate. Eff everybody else. You cannot please the world. Focus on what's important to you and your family. The attendees will have 30 different opinions about your wedding day and your job is to not give 2 flying sh*ts about it.
4. Plan ahead. WAYYYYY ahead. Do not be like me. I have 2 days to find a wedding dress whereas most people would at least have 3-5 months and go for multiple fittings. Given my circumstance, I don't have the time for fittings either. I can't even customize it anymore. I just kind of have to pick it up in the condition it is shown to me and make a purchase right away. That's a huge risk and you don't wanna do that. Be well prepared of everything in advance so you can spend your wedding week celebrating without any stress.
5. Your happiness in life does not hinge on your wedding. So, just in case something goes wrong it doesn't turn out the way you want it (God forbid), it's not the end of the world. You WILL survive. It's important to realize that the food, venue or rituals don't matter more than the fact that you and your partner are gonna be forever tied into an auspicious knot and a new world awaits you.
That is everything I've got so far. Lots and lots and lots of wedding blogs are gonna be published and I don't mean to annoy you but it seems like my mind will be occupied with this. And I can use tips from you married ladies and you can definitely share your experiences, even as 'Anonymous' in the comments.
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