Relationships: Things to reflect on while you fight

We all have ups and downs in our relationships. That's a given, right? But what we often forget is the fact that we chose our partners for a reason. We cannot let petty fights or quirks get to us. If you're having trouble with your relationship, the most important thing to do is to reflect on how your partner makes you feel. We read these quotes all over Facebook about positive and negative people. It's equally important to consider whether our relationship in totality is bringing us down in life or lifting us up. It's important to rise in love as it is to fall in it. I know it sounds cliche but it is true.

You wanna pick someone who challenges you, pushes you to grow and be better. You wanna pick someone with whom your life will change in a positive, not a negative way. Sometimes, we choose people whose defenses and negative traits fit with ours. That may not be the best idea. All that sparkle that one may feel in the beginning of the relationship isn't always the be all and end all. You have to be in it for longer to figure out how you hold up. I can safely say, it's been a good three years for me and I've learned a thing or two. Maybe, more ;)

What I've learned... especially with the billion fights I've had is the fact that it is extremely important to be in the right head. You cannot lose your calm in crucial situations. If one person is angry, you just have to learn how to shut up. I know I know. I've always contested the fact that women always bow down and it's just not fair. But I've also noticed one more thing. If you shut up one time and let them be angry, they will calm down themselves, and come apologize later. I've been on both sides of the coin and I prefer the second one now. It's just much more peaceful.

All relationships have heated moments. We all become cats and dogs and we fight like animals. That is all fine. The problem begins when you stop talking. Now, I know that ladies are a huge fan of the 'silent treatment' but make sure this type of treatment isn't a permanent solution to your problems. It is also a good idea to make this silence last only a couple of hours or a day. If days convert into weeks and weeks convert into months and then you're not where you previously were - you will regret it. The problem is... we look at our partners way more critically when we fight. And if we stop talking to them, that gives us the time to create more stuff about them in our heads. I call it 'case building.' We start convincing ourselves that we may have picked up a wrong partner and all their flaws just start appearing on your mental list. That is a problem. We start to build a case against them. And by the time you start talking to each other, you have an outburst of the small novel you have created inside your head. And then the fight goes onto another tangent. I've been very guilty of this mistake and I will no longer repeat it. That is a promise to myself.

Because you know what guys? You waste your bloody time and it's not worth it. If you waste 3 days avoiding each other, you waste 24 x 3 hours of things you could have done together. That could have meant a movie, going to see something new, or talking on the phone or informing each other of important events. We fought the day of my first Beauty School class. I could have shared things enthusiastically but instead I chose not to talk. I regret it. He wanted to hear all about it because he always encourages me every step of the way. In fact, this beauty school idea has been possible because of him and my lovely parents.

So, the point is... we tend to set off into a whole new world of flaws when we are being critical. We make the problem worse than it actually is. And in times of stress, fights tend to escalate. So, if you are creating additional stress for yourself, you are just making things worse for everyone. This leaves us feeling lousy about ourselves and our relationship. Our partners and I go through hell together and it's not worth it.

I have a new rule - no more cooling off and converting into silent treatment. The problem is gonna be talked about right when it occurs. No more storing feelings and being bottled up. No more mental notes to use as a weapon in the next argument. I promise. No more. I am gonna try to be more open and have a compassionate attitude when the problem occurs.

And most of the times, I have a 'libra' thing to prove that I am right. That honestly has got me into so much trouble. So, I've decided what's important to me. Being CLOSE is important to me than being RIGHT. Although I am right most of the times =) lol

I hope that gives you guys a thing or two to think about. Have a great long weekend!