Silence is a source of great strength

This is for the countless amount of pictures people share on their Facebook everyday about finding happiness. Things happy people do, things people who are content in life do... and spreading quotes of positivity and blah blah. First of all, half of you aren't very positive yourself... so, sharing great quotes of positivity and happiness is not gonna make you change. If you are a negative person, it will show in your actions. So, your display of happiness is all a facade and there really isn't a point of it. I know you will continue posting because you can do whatever the hell you want on Facebook, and that is absolutely fine with me. But I just need you to know that one should be true to oneself.

I haven't been an overtly happy person, ever. I've struggled with depression a lot in my life. I am indecisive but I take quick decisions about everything. But it pisses me off when people act like if you're not happy, you aren't doing the right things in life. For example, if you don't have a good career, you are not happy. If you don't have a boyfriend, you are not happy. If you don't have money, you are not happy. You all have crazy high standards of happiness.

The beauty of happiness is in the mundane. Knowing you're not doing anything in your life... sitting on the same desk 9 to 5 with the same boring job, going to a university with shit loads of work and fighting constantly with your partner - these are all sources of happiness too. You just need to see it that way.

I've had depression for as long as I can remember. Some people I know did therapy... and others took prozac. I just accepted it as a part of my life and decided to deal with it. I just made "ways" to deal with it. Now, I know how I am going to behave when I am depressed. I've just made peace with it so I can move on. Depression is serious. Just because I am smiling all the time and making people laugh and being the funny one in the crowd doesn't mean I don't have my issues to deal with. I am still suffering but I just choose not to display it on the external anymore. It is an inner struggle that I fight and I am okay with it. It's bad enough that these people are ramming happy tips at you on Facebook and preaching quotes they don't even practice themselves. There isn't a switch for happiness. It comes from within. You can't read a quote and instantly modify your behaviour.

I get the pursuit of happiness and that whole ordeal but let's be real here... you don't need certain things to be happy. I hate it when people say... "I'll be happy once I get into law school. I'll be happy once I get married. I'll be happy if I lose 20 pounds. I'll be happy when.... blah blah blah blah." You know what... why don't you try being happy for little things every day? Like, being happy when someone gets your coffee right at Tim Horton's. That's a big one for me. It makes my entire day! And being happy that you have a job. And being happy that you have money to study. And just being happy about making it to bed at night ALIVE. Life is short, man. If you keep waiting for the things that are gonna make you happy, you're just fooling yourself. I don't know why people do this. Sometimes, I ask Nish why he works like a maniac. And he says, because I can be happy and have time for my family later in life. Umm, what about now? What about being happy NOW? Why do people let their present go by them for the common misperception that life will always be better in the future. No. Life is good now. So, enjoy it.

Depression and anxiety have got the best of me always. I haven't accomplished many things in my life that I would like to. It does get me down sometimes but it doesn't make me unhappy. I am happy for the things I did. It doesn't matter if I didn't end up liking my degree program or not achieving anything related to my field because I decided to switch last minute. I am still happy because there is someone out there who probably didn't have an opportunity to go to university or someone who had to work thrice as hard to pay their own fees. My parents paid mine! We can be grateful for so many things in life but we don't choose to. We always have to pinpoint that one thing that isn't right. And I always do this myself. I guess it's human nature. But I don't go out there preaching happiness like it's a miracle switch. You turn it on and everything's good, eh? It just doesn't work that way.

Life is full of challenges. It is even more challenging for me because I have my internal struggles to deal with without any anti-depressants or other alternatives. We must learn to be happy in spite of our circumstances. I always get criticized for making quick decisions. But you know what... I don't regret them. I always learn something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. It isn't a waste. But all these posts have been pissing me off lately... such as, 10 things happy people do, Habits of happy people  etc.

I have a friend whose seen way more troubles than me in life but she is still the most bright and bubbly person around. Her smile is contagious! You know who you are =) And she inspires me. And before people start taking my depression seriously... Think about this... people have diabetes and asthma and other medical conditions. Does that mean they should start acting differently? Does it make you any different? No. If you have depression, there is nothing wrong or damaged about you. It just needs time and effort and you need to make your own ways to deal with it.

The funny thing is... if I start to share my problems with someone... the first thing they say is, "You don't look depressed to me." I am sorry, is there a certain look depressed people have? I am normally chirpy and bubbly myself. If you are a stranger, you wouldn't think I am depressed. But  do I need to wear a sign on my forehead that says I am depressed? I am doing fine in life. I am always laughing, joking and in seemingly high spirits. But I do stay depressed within at times. Sometimes, I don't have the desire to do anything in life. Not even getting off the couch for that matter. I've just been in chronic depression since I was a teenager and I've come to terms with it. I've realized it's a part of who I am and I just have to work with it. I have to make the best out of this life. And that's where beauty in the mundane makes true sense. Even in the midst of darkness in life and suffering, there are still reasons to take pleasure in life. And some of them are mundane and easy to overlook.

Listening to music makes me happy. Making a good cup of coffee for myself while reading an interesting book makes me happy. Getting shopping packages in the mail makes me happy. Rain makes me happy. Just sitting by the window and seeing it pour makes me extremely happy and puts a smile on my face. It's amazing to hear that crash of thunder and watching the trees and their green leaves in the rain. It makes me happy knowing I have a partner I can lie down on the couch with and watch television. The thrill of cooking a new recipe and waiting to see how it turns out makes me happy. Opening a new present makes me happy. When a child kisses and hugs me, it makes me happy. Eating good food gives me a ton of happiness. Sitting and doing nothing makes me extremely happy. Thinking of old memories puts a huge smile on my face. I've had some great times in my life that I am really thankful for. I've been loved a lot and I am lucky.

There is a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Even the smallest gleam of light in any dark situation makes me happy. I want you all to stop whatever you're doing, inhale, relax and smile. That is all. Nothing more. Just simply smile. Or better yet, laugh. It is the best thing. I think we all deserve it.