It took a lot of introspection. Most of the times we meet.. it's all fun and games. We eat, laugh, watch a movie or something and go home. Rarely is it when we sit down and have a mature conversation and share our point of views.
Also... none of us take criticism well. I may still handle it better than him. But we are the most reluctant to it when it comes from one another. And I was telling him.. "Babe, I should be the only person you should feel comfortable with criticizing you." And his response was, "No. I don't take it from anybody." Now, one might think.. well.. how are you planning to LIVE the rest of your life being so reluctant to criticism? It will cause multiple fights. And I would have to bottle up my feelings and not tell him because he doesn't wanna listen to it. But.. we worked out a way of telling each other the bad things in a certain way so it doesn't feel too bad. I was shocked that we got to a solution. Either one of us would have walked out. It tells me that we are headed towards growing and becoming more mature in this relationship.
Also.. I had to tell him of the change he doesn't see. It's about how I transformed as a person. How I was that forever-single carefree girl and more than anything, a feminist. People have the misconception that femininsts are these tom-boy type girls who hate men. I never hated men. I just hate the way society has assigned these roles and stereotypes to men and women. And I definitely disliked those morons in the past that were so shallow and narrow-minded.
See.. the thing about love is.. it happens when you least expect it. At least, that's what I think happened to me. I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't ready to be in a relationship as I was already in the midst of another. But it just HAPPENED. Another thing about love is.. you won't get it if you go out looking for it. That has also been a great past learning experience for me. I wasn't looking to spend my life with this man. I actually didn't call him after 2 dates, and I was doing my "ignore and swipe out" trick. That is where you just never pick up their call again, and forget they ever existed and move on. I know it sounds terrible but that's how I was. And what have I become today? A woman who never wants to look at another man again. A woman who now respects feelings and heartbreaks and recognizes the delicacy of these situations. I was telling him.. how much I've changed.
When we were 3 weeks into dating.. I thought to myself.. "Keep it calm. Do not get over excited. Do not involve too many emotions. Keep it strictly external. Do not let it get to you. You can have a good short-term relationship and cherish it later, and that's all it's going to be." But then again.. love doesn't have any boundaries. I know it sounds very cliche but it is indeed true. You cannot set parametres for your feelings. You won't have that sense of control, unless you really try to monitor your emotions throughout the process. I didn't. And it has got me to a place where I am truly happy. I mean.. yeah.. we have horrible fights. We cannot stand one another on certain days. I might even go a few day without calling him. But at the end of the day.. despite our crazy mood swings.. we still know that there is that unchangeable, hopeless romantic type of love.
Another issue we spoke about was.. we have been continuously disappointed with each other. Because we idealized our partners before meeting one another. We grew up through our teen years with that particular image of how our partners would be. And we are the complete OPPOSITES of what we had imagined. If you ask me.. I am not a fan of 'Cancer' men. They are too moody, clingy and over-reactive for me to handle. But hey, what do you do when you're so in love? Of course, there are always options. But the question is.. are you gonna give up something amazing that you can have for 300 days of the year over those 65 days you cannot handle? I don't think so!
After I began to understand him.. I realized we put too many restrictions on each other because we expected each other to be a certain way. Example, if I took him to meet my friends, I'd tell him not to be too goofy. Honestly, I have always been more sophisticated in nature and I wanted someone alike. But, you know what I take it as now.. he has an amazing sense of humour. I just never see it that way. And he expects me to be more like the wives in his social circle. They are cool and composed and seem really subservient to their husbands. But that's when my entire feminism thing plays in. I told him.. we are either equals or nothing. I cannot be that submissive wife you expect me to be. Now is the time to decide if that's what you want. At the end of the day.. he's understood that his social circle is different and I am someone special. We cannot mold each other into these "idealistic partners" we have thought about. We are best when we are ourselves.
At first.. I hated that over-reactive and over-sensitive nature of his. But now.. I find that delicacy and sensitivity kinda sexy. How often do you find it in guys today? Most of them don't even express their feelings. He has also come to accept my nature the way it is. I can be charming, flirtacious, caring, and indecisive. He has understood that I never used to flirt on purpose, it was mostly unknowingly. And that, it's hard for me to no and that I do let some people walk over me at times. And that I try too hard to be a peacemaker because unfairness pisses me off. He has understood that I am not overly complicated. I am obsessed with love but at the same time I acknowledge how difficult it can be. He has realized that I go to into my shell when I am upset and I need my space. That is time I don't come on Facebook and stop blogging. That is the time I sit and sob, and am never there for anybody. That is just how I am. He knows that my bad temper is a few seconds long until he says one sweet thing. He knows I love being feminine and makeup is not all there is in my life. He knows I am intelligent and will definitely do something with my life.
I have also admitted that I have highly misunderstood him. I always noticed his mood swings and why he acts stupid all the time. But I never asked him why he acts a certain way and what really pisses him off. I have realized he loves to be pampered and doesn't mind giving it back. He has these two great sides to him: one, where he is this over-sensitive guy and the other when he comes out strong of real life troubles. I never used to like Mommma's boys. But I've come to realize that they make the best husbands. The way a man takes care of his mom says a lot about the way he will take care of wife.
The only reason I chose to stick to this relationship in the beginning was because of his loyalty and faithfulness. But along the way.. I discovered there is much more to him than that. He can be really obnoxious when he wants, say hurtful things, act in really rude ways. But there are times, when I not feeling well.. or just low. He will make me tea or bring me my favorite food, and just snuggle with me and tell me it will all be okay. He will nurture me like a parent until I feel better. I love him for that.
After a long year and a half.. I have finally begun to understand some things. He has a very soft and a very tough side. He is a very protective boyfriend and that is something I am going to have to deal with. He can be happy, pissed off, and happy again all within 20 minutes. Those crazy mood swings will stay with him all throughout his life. That's just how he is. Nothing pisses me off more than mood swings. I like stability. I don't like constant change. But for all the positive that we are getting in each other, the negative cancels out.
I suddenly forgot the point of this blog, lol. But I had this bottled up inside for a while, and I had to let it out. And for those of you who don't know.. We are getting engaged sometime this year =) This discussion wasn't just for the heck of it. It was a mental and physical reminder that we have a lot to deal with, and it is not going to be easy for a couple who is entirely the opposite. But we can't lose our cool and adopt methods which may be destructive for our relationship. We gotta handle it like mature people, similar to today.. and just let things cool down. Plus, you over analyze everything in the beginning. People date for 5 years and more to know someone completely. We have only endured each other a year and a half. But I am ready to do it my entire life.. I love you babe. Sorry for all the trouble I give you. And even if you aren't sorry for all the crazy mood swings you throw at me.. it is still okay. I love you anyway =)PS: Sorry for such a long post.
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