The Dilemma?

Hey guys!

I just got back from Humber and I think I have something to share that is relevant to each one of you. We had our first lecture today in my Civil Litigation class. The professor is a Litigation lawyer and he is one of my favorite professors. He accommodated me so much two years ago when I had a conflict with the timings of his class with my downtown class at U of T. Why would he care if I go to another institution along with Humber? Let me tell you, I went to a total of 4 classes in 4 months just to hand in assignments or write tests. He also let me write one of my tests at home. And I scored a 92 in his class. This course is part 2 of Litigation and the last course for me to graduate.

Coming back to the point.. he always has an interesting teaching style. He doesn't do it the boring and conventional way. It's not all about the lectures or powerpoints. It is about engaging the class actively into the subject of discussion. He walked in to the class today and showed us a movie trailer of 'The Dilemma.' The movie released in 2011 and it was a comedy about a cheating wife. A man's best friend's wife was cheating and he found it his moral obligation to tell his friend. For us, the activity was to figure out 3 reasons why we SHOULD or SHOULD not tell our friend about his wife cheating. And one RISK FACTOR in the entire situation. I opted for TELLING my best friend. The three reasons I presented were:-

1. Morality & Adultery (It is my moral obligation to inform my friend if I see something wrong is happening. I am the kind of person who cannot live without telling you if I have witnessed something like this).

2. Girl Code (If I take you as a true friend, not an acquaintance, an ACTUAL friend.. I WILL tell you. I don't care what your boyfriend/husband will think of me. I don't care of what you will think of me. I don't care if you make me look like a fool and go back to the person despite cheating, but I WILL tell you. There is a reason it is called a Girl Code. You trust your girl friends and this is a basic expectation that any girl will have from her friend).

3. Health Concerns (Who knows if your partner is sleeping around with more than one person. If a person can cheat once, they can cheat again, and they most likely do. I wouldn't want my friend to catch any sexual disease or anything of that sort).

The above mentioned were my three reasons. And the ONE risk factor was losing my friend. A lot of people had their risk factor as splitting up the couple. I personally didn't think that's a big risk factor because often psychotic girls end up blindfolding themselves to all the cheating. They seldom believe their girl friends and end up believing who they love. So, in my opinion.. there is more of a risk for me to lose a friend than for the couple splitting up. Because at the end of the day, all you are doing is a moral obligation if you're a friend. But eventually, the decision-making is your friend's department. It is her/his will what he/she wants.

Coming to the ACTUAL point of this blog...

After the exercise was done, we were waiting to see where the professor is going in terms of logic. And this entire thing was based upon 'secrets.' There are certain things regarding secrets in Civil Litigation. We didn't go too much in depth. But the rule about documents in Civil Litigation is.. that there are NO secrets. You have to tell the other party about your evidence. This is through the discovery phase of a law suit. If you find a video or a journal for the opposing party, you cannot randomly play that video at the trial and say, "Surprise! Visual evidence that you're a pervert!" You have to let the other party know that you have such a video, before you go to trial.

A lot of people complained about the fact that they wouldn't want to tell their friends because they would get dragged into the mess. Now, the point of ME writing this blog lies in the following sentence. I have always told people what they needed to know. I have always told friends if I thought something would create a risk or 'dilemma' for them. I have been in 2 situations where my friend's boyfriend was hitting on me while being committed to my friend. I ended up telling them. One of them split for good during the last year.

I have been hated and in trouble for doing this in the past. I don't care about being the middle person though. It doesn't bother me as long as two people know each other's reality and take a wise decision about the future. It has happened that people went back to their partners despite the situation. But that's not my prerogative. Their reaction is not my concern. My concern is telling them that they have been wronged. My job is only until both parties know of the information that I have provided, similar to the discovery process in Civil Litigation =)

In addition.. I feel that women are very intuitive. They actually DO have a hint or cue when their partners are cheating. They just don't have the final affirmation or evidence to point it out. Suspicion alone is not enough to catch the person red handed. And quite honestly, I have lost on an acquaintance in the past because she was in continuous denial about her relationship, even after being told by more than one person that her boyfriend was cheating.

Now, putting myself in the shoes of the person being cheated on.. would I want my friends to tell me if they knew? Absolutely! If my friend knew and let me live a lie, I don't think we'd be friends EVER again. It's easier to pretend than to tell the truth. But, the right things in life are usually harder. And that's the kind of route I take. What's your take on this?