I could be like an all-India radio nonstop. I can miss the point in arguments, and carry on just to "win" it. I get a little crazy sometimes. I am child-like inside. I don't necessarily always have to behave like I claim on my blog. In fact, I realized that this is an outlet for me not only to express myself, but explore multiple identities. And I must say, that this blog has been a huge part of my identity since the last two years. I have changed my perspective about so many things, just in the process of writing them here (when I did not even completely believe in them at that time). By writing things like the person I wanted to be, I kind of became that person.
Keeping my self-narrative aside, I want to confess something. I could be a crude little bitch at times. And I owe this apology to my special someone. We haven't "communicated" about our relationships issues from a long time. Just over the weekend, we had a half an hour emotional tell-all. And you know what I realized? I never say sorry. I say sorry to the whole world.. people on buses, at the mall, at university, at home etc. But that one person I should actually say sorry to.. I don't. Even when it's my fault.. he always apologizes just to get on with our lives.
"Stupid kaun? Main!"
"Immature kaun? Main!"
Galatiyan kaun karta hai? Main!"
"Bada kaun hai? Tum!"
"Mature kaun? Tum!"
"Understanding kaun? Tum!"
"To phir.. mujhe kaun sambhaalega?"
And then he made me realize, that being all of those things does not mean you always have to compromise your self-respect. I should be able to give up my ziddi-ness and do that. But I`ve gotta say, you spoilt me. Only if you hadn`t made this a pattern over the last year, I would`ve never gotten used to it :P
But.. I pledge.. to apologize not only when it`s my fault, but also when it`s yours. Because sometimes, it just feels amazing to have someone spoil you. I gotta give you back the treatment, right?
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