I am. I am afraid.

I was birthday shopping for Arshia today. And as I was walking by Square One, I felt so lonely. I felt alone. You know that stupid lonely feeling when you fight? When you wish you weren't fighting while you see all these couples, holding hands, hugging, laughing and having fun. I was passing by Bubble Tease as I saw this teenage couple sitting on one of the benches. The girl with beautiful, long blonde hair in her cute floral top and booty shorts was sitting on her boyfriend's lap. He appeared to be no older than 14-15 years of age. They were so consumed in each other, anything outside their love was not visible to them. I saw the smiles, and the love in their eyes. It definitely reminded me of my teenage love.

Remember, the times when we had a carefree life? Everything was a lot easier, and even that was hard for us at that time. But I was a very carefree teenager, a rather happy one for the most part. And then it got bad in grade 11. In fact, grade 11 and 12 were probably the most miserable and isolated years I had in high school. Now, I wish that I hadn't spent that time sobbing and listening to sad music, and doing all those stupid things that I shouldn't have.

I was texting Shweta on the bus today, and she said something that really stood out to me. I read it on all sorts of pictures on Facebook, but never really took it as further than passive reading. Today, I realized it's meaning. Her words: "You should try adventurous stuff. YOLO because soon you will be married and have kids, and then grow old taking care of them - FACT." It's so true. It seems like long time that high school was over. I am done university, and I thought this degree would be the four longest years of my life. I will be job hunting in no time, and married in maximum two years. What the hell? What have I done? Nothing. I've spent the last year consumed in my relationship. I haven't even spent time with myself. I was pretty much defined by my relationship, and so were my activities. The Montreal trip was one thing that I did on my own, but not really. I really wanna have fun, and do all the things that I wanna do before it gets too serious. I honestly haven't done much.

After my courses are done, and whatever is left of the summer, I am doing all the things that I thought of doing but never had the chance to do.
Can you guys believe, that I've NEVER been on the subway. It's been over a decade that I've been in this country. I fear travelling alone. I've never taken the GO either. Not once. I wanna start off with this!

Secondly, I am the kind of person who chickens out with rides. The last time I went to Wonderland was in 2004. This summer, I freaking wanna go to Wonderland and experience the thrill of a scary ride!

Third, I have NEVER seeen Yorkdale mall. Can you believe it? I've been in Toronto for over 10 years, and I haven't seen the biggest local mall. Oh, and I've only been to the Eaton Centre ONCE.

I discontinued my gym membership for the Montreal trip, and haven't activated it yet. I am activating it in the end of August. And you know what I wanna do? I wanna work my ass off in the gym and look SEXY for my convocation in November. I wanna do a full spa day before my convocation, with a facial, my nails done, waxing, haircut and styling. And I wanna look perfect that day, attend no phone calls and just do MY thing. I deserve all that pampering after these four  years.

And I never enjoy at the beach, because I am scared of water. I can't swim. I wanna go a further distance in the water, then turn back when it hits my knee. Seriously! I need someone to hold my hand and take me inside, till the water comes up to my neck!

I'll work on the rest of my list.. and let you know later :) What are some of the things you guys wanna do?