It's so strange. When we want to control our feelings, we can never do it. Relationships are a hot mess. It's not a new realization. It is an old lesson. They come with all sorts of great feelings; happiness, protection, peace, love, pride etc. At the same time, they come with fights, disagreements, words of discouragement and sometimes, just situations that are un-called for. A strong emotion that I didn't mention above is "anger." It usually gets really nasty when anger is involved. I am quite an angry person myself. I will choose one of these routes: either shut up or be equivalent and yell in your face. None of them really help. The silent route just suppresses your emotions and brings them out at a later time, with a louder bang. If you contribute to the yelling and fighting as much as the other person, that is of no use either. It just simply means both people in the relationship do not value or care for peacemaking. Not one of the two will bow down to make peace or be the wise one.
I have always excelled at not giving a shit. I've always said such things on my blogs. But you know what? There ARE times when I give a shit. There are times, when I have feelings.. a heart.. some emotions.. that need to be taken in account. Because I am bold and outrageous and strong, does not mean that you can throw anything you want at me. I could be hurt too. And genuinely hurt.
You know what a broken heart does to you? It brings you back to Square One. Makes you more determined to stay in that position and go back to being great at NOT giving a shit. I am doing.. just that.
I am sorta giving up on a lot of things right now. Not in the greatest emotional states. I was here about two months ago, and it had been a while since I slipped into this phase. Guess.. here it is.
I just wanna lie in bed all day. Think nothing. Eat nothing. Do nothing. Be nothing. Listen to no one. Talk to no one. And just lay there, in bed. In my cozy blanket. In this crappy-ass weather. For a long time.
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