Ms. Bad Luck

Hi everyone.
Soooo, I disappeared for a while. Or deliberately did not blog. I had SO much going on. And nothing to hide, I'll lay it all out for you, because it was complicated as FUCK.
To start off, I had SO much crap to do. Final assignments, projects, tests, makeup tests etc. I wrote my final exam for Humber College already. And I've been so stressed out the past three weeks, that I have almost neglected every individual I could. Apologies for that! I tend to zone out when shit goes completely wrong. Not new, right?

So, here's the deal. A LOT of shit just happened over the last two weeks. And I am going to take the time to explain it. Yes, I do have time today. My parents have gone out, my brother is doing his own thing and I have some time to be on my own and contemplate.

Let me start this way. Math and I have a HATE relationship. We do not go together. At all. When I signed up for a Specialist at UTM in Criminology, I knew I was in for FOUR statistical courses (two second-level courses and two third-level courses). For those who have no knowledge of how a degree works at UTM, here is a little breakdown. For an Honours Bachelors in Arts, your degree can be any one of the following:-

a Specialist (10.0 credits)
a Double Major (7.0 credits each) or;
a Major and two Minors (7.0 and 4.0 each)

I spent the last four years working towards the Specialist. A lot of additions have been made to the degree this year. For instance, the name used to be Crime, Law and Deviance and it is now changed to 'Criminology and Socio-Legal Studies' and a bunch of courses have been shuffled over between departments such as Sociology and Women Studies to allow students to share some courses. Now, that you have a general background of the degree, I can further explain the DISTURBING situation, that I never thought I would come across at this point of time.

Last year, I was placed Downtown for the two second-level courses that I mentioned, because all the spots at UTM were taken. Now, they don't usually do that after the wait-lists close BUT if there is an essential need for you to do so (i.e. in terms of graduation), then they make exceptions. Last year was my third year, and if I did not take those second-level courses, I would not have been able to take the third-level courses this year. The pre-requisite order had to be followed. The courses are gonna be BIRD for those of you doing Sciences or Commerce - Qualitative and Quantitative Research. Let's say, I barely passed my Quantitative class Downtown last year. I got a FIFTY THREE. Ashamed? Absolutely. I attended 75% of the lectures. And the multiple choice saved me on the tests. If it was all mathematical calculations for a full 100 points, I definitely would have failed. Hence, I somehow cleared those second-level courses. SOMEHOW.

This year, I was placed in the Qualitative and Quantitative for the third-level. I did absolutely fine for the Qualitative because we had an excellent professor. I did better than I expected I would. The final project was a killer. I hate doing the mathematical calculations for research projects and then connect it with sociological inferences. It is painful enough to do the math, let alone make sociological conclusions about things. Anyway, that was a partial nightmare and it was OVER last semester. This semester, I had the Quantitative. Note: This is not meant to offend the nature of the course, or the professor if someone is reading from the class. It has to do with ME and MY weakness with Math. So, this course is generally harder in nature, as every one agrees (the instructor and students). But, if you attend all lectures and do all your work, you can get a good grade. The class average has usually been 60s-70s. I am guessing, you gotta be a genius to score an A in this class?

I missed the first test in February due to illness. The make up test for that was scheduled for April 3rd. So, I went by the course drop date without any marks or idea of where I stand in the course. The drop date was March 4th and our SECOND test was March 14th for which the grades were posted on March 21st. Now, notice that I am mentioning dates. Not because I am a lunatic who has a lot of time on her hands at the time of exams. It is because dates MATTER in this case, and a LOT. So, I FAILED my second test, it was worth 30% of my final grade. The first test that I missed, was 25% which was still not assessed. Thus, I am left with the final exam worth 45% (at least I can do THIS math right). I thought I would have to work really hard for both the make up test and exam, and I shall do fine, despite the huge chunk that I failed.

With my optimism, I studied and waited for April 3rd. I had TWO tests that day. Both of them were make up tests, one after the other. I had a Sociology test from 10:00 till noon. And the Statistics test was from noon till 2:00 pm. Let me tell you, I walked out with TEARS in my eyes. When I handed in my paper, the second page where I did the calculations had two tear drops on it. Because I could not even control how helpless and DUMB I felt. I failed grade 10 university math in high school. I re-took it in summer school, but switched it to college math. I also took grade 11 college math, and took NO math at all in grade 12. That is a long time for NO math. I am sorry, but I cannot understand the basics for math and develop a critical understanding in a two week's time for a test. It's something you grasp on early in school life. I can probably still make it DO-ABLE with a tutor, but I know I can never be good at it. And hey, I am not alone. We know people have ISSUES with math, and I did too. But that wasn't the problem. It was a lot more. I walked out of the examination hall in tears and went directly to the washroom. The last time I sat on a toilet seat to cover my face with both hands and try to cry silently (so, the people in the stall next to me don't hear me) was in HIGH SCHOOL, when I probably cried for a boy that I thought my life depended on. Clearly, I am talking of my teenage stupor. And I had no idea, the day would come again, and this time the reason would be a FUCKING MATH TEST. Aww-ed yet? If not, you can hold it. You'll get plenty of opportunities throughout the post.

So, why was I crying over a TEST? Because it was mandatory for my program. There was no way around it. I had to clear the course, else I would have to come back for another year. Ridiculous, in my eyes. Coming back for a single course? Math, my weakness, took over me again. Wiping my teary face, after a full night of studying and barely any sleep, I walked over to my program coordinator. I thought I would have to tell somebody to do something about it NOW or else it will be too late. Thank God, I didn't go home and cry about it. I went to the Department of Sociology and spoke of my situation. After a 45 minute meeting with the coordinator, we were left with three options:-

1. Drop the course. Come back another year.
2. Drop this course. Take STA220 in the summer, which is offered by the Statistics Department, and that would serve as an exclusion to Qualitative Analysis.
3. Drop the idea of math altogether. Opt OUT of the Specialist in Criminology, and take up the MAJOR instead.

Option #1 was out of the question. Option #2, seemed a bit questionable because I was assuming STA220 would be harder than what I was taking up this semester. I was left with Option #3.

I went home, slept, did a lot of research and thought about everything. I went back to the coordinator and told her I would like to drop the course, and stick with option #3. She said changing the LABEL on your program name won't make a difference. Because essentially, I did all the course for the Specialist anyway. We would just have to re-name it to a double major in Criminology and Sociology.
As soon as I embraced it, (it was painful because I took the initiative to do the Specialist, and this would mean that some courses I attempted to do for the higher years (the harder ones) would not even be needed for major. Yes, they would still count towards the DEGREE but they were not NEEDED for the major. Oh well, did I have time for all this? No. I wanted to get out of the problem. And so, I said I will go with it.
And just when I thought it was finally solved, another problem was brought to my attention.

As a rule/regulation for the HBA, you need to have 12.0 distinct courses between the two majors. So, let's do the math here = 7.0 credits each major. 7.0 + 7.0 = 14.0 and 12.0 of them had to be distinct (not shared, as in I could only share four courses between the majors). And just to add to the problem, I only had 10.5 distinct courses. I had to come back for a year because I could not do all those courses in the summer to graduate on time. Another day of STRESS. I came back home and could not stop thinking about what this one math course was doing to me. For a minute, I thought about going through with the math exam and taking a risk. But when I was in her office, she had showed me how much difference it would make to my GPA if I end up failing the course, or even if I get a 50 (pass). I did some research on my own, and came up with my OWN proposal.

Next morning, I woke up early and went to her office again. I told her I would like to pursue a major in Criminology, a MINOR in Sociology and a MINOR in Women and Gender Studies. How could I not think about this earlier? Well, I did. You guys know I am a feminist at heart, and this is something that naturally comes to me. I wanted to MAJOR in it the second year, but my mom thought it wasn't good of a discipline to study (#brownthings).
And this could work out for me, because I had previously taken 1.5 credits in Women and Gender Studies. And I needed 4.0 for the minor. Which means 4.0 -  1.5 = 2.5 credits were still needed to minor in it. I am able to take 2.0 credits in the summer (4 courses because each course is 0.5) but where will the 0.5 credit go?
This finally WORKED OUT! (well, not so fast... but partially!)

The coordinator thought it was an absolutely fabulous idea, at the last minute because fortunately ALL the courses that I needed for the minor were offered in the summer (which is not always the case). BUT there was another problem. I STILL had to make sure that I had 12.0 distinct courses between the major and the two minors. When we tallied all the courses over a half-hour, the count came up to 13.0. But I would be sharing courses in the summer, and that would mean that I would have exactly 12.0 distinct courses by the end of the summer. PHEW!

She was supportive, except I needed to PETITION to get another 0.5 credit in the summer session. The department reviews your reasoning and sends you either an acceptance or refusal. I was positive I would get an approval because they wouldn't hold me back for one course. Nowwww, that we finally had a solution. Another problem was to implement it.

Next day, I had to schedule an appointment with an Academic Advisor at the Office of Registrar. I told her I would like to drop the Stats course and petition for the summer session.
1) The last day for a Late Withdrawal from a course is the last day of class (which was March 31st) so I had missed another deadline.
2) Summer petition was not a big deal. I just had to send it in. Luckily, only one course had a wait list of three people. I was ranked three.

The Academic Advisor said it was kind of a problem for me to withdraw from a course this late. I had to petition for that too. It wasn't easy. I needed to have EXTENUATING circumstances (extreme such as a death in the family or illness) to go through with this request. When I sent my petition, I stated the obvious reasons. Turning my degree around in the last week of school is a nightmare. I was just trying to settle for anything I get as opposed to just working hard for the final exam. Yup, I hate you that much math. Crazy right? But I barely had any chance to pass. I could not depend on a 45% exam when I had failed 55% of the course. So, in my eyes, I took the right decision.

Basically, she told me to go home and file for both petitions. I did so. I received an acceptance for the summer petition and a refusal for my late withdrawal request. I was SHOCKED. I thought it's OVER. They said my reason was invalid, HOWEVER I can still do it with the guidance of an Academic Advisor. But it was written in such a language that I thought I can't do anything about it. I forwarded the email right away, sitting on the transit via my iPhone to the Advisor. She replied within 4 hours saying I can breathe for the Easter Weekend. And that the email meant that she has discretion to handle the situation, and that I CAN still drop the course. Yesterday, (Monday) I literally ran to the office first thing in the morning to drop the course. Okay, B-R-E-A-T-H-E.

BUT (yes another but), I still had to e-mail or check with the Administrative Assistant from the Women and Gender Studies Department to double check that I am completing all the requirements of the Minor in the summer. I don't want another glitch in the way. Math was my little bump on the road, getting in the way of graduation, for which I was under EXTREME stress and had to run from one office to another and speak to so many people back and forth. And NOW it is finally done. I emailed the Women Studies department but have not received any replies yet. That is my LAST CONCERN. I still need an "okay" from them for my courses. And I am PRAYING TO GOD, that there isn't a problem now.

I was going to take three courses in the summer from (May to June) and graduate in November. NOW, I have to take five courses (two additional courses from July-August) to graduate. Plus one at Humber College. That makes it a total of six. I have four courses from May to June and two from July to August. That means, I am doing a whole year (12 months) of school. And I will finally get to taste freedom in September, when people are done with their freedom and returning to school/work.

I have been so miserable over this whole thing. It might not sound like a huge problem right now. But trust me, it REALLY WAS! Not to mention the amount of time I had to wait for appointments with the coordinator and because it was all walk-in, it took even longer wait periods! Fuck my life.
And I have been wanting to blog about it for a while. I just did not have the energy to type this much and explain the goddamn thing. Okay, now I am tired and I need to go watch some TV. Later guys! Hope you all are studying well and doing great on your exams!