Slutwalk - Toronto 2012

"What's up whores?" <-- Sound familiar? Read on!

I logged onto Facebook today and saw something on my news feed that caught not only my attention, but interested me enough to write about a topic that was on my mind a week ago..
I saw Karun's status on my NewsFeed which said..

"SLUT: One who engages in sexual activity with a large number of persons or someone who's sexually promiscuous. NOT a girl who wears short shorts or has a lot of guy friends.
BITCH: a girl with an unpleasant attitude or someone who's thoroughly disliked. NOT a person who makes a point and stands for what she believes in.
FLIRT: A gal who indicates a romantic or sexual interests towards another or someone who has a playfull behavior with bad intentions. NOT a person who simply says hi or gives someone a small compliment or hangs out with her guy friends..
Think before you tag anyone with such labels. It's easy to say and get away ... Its hard to understand what she goes through ...Life is just not always abt wht u think . Grow up see a bigger picture, and stop living in the shadows of ancient beliefs."

Know what I am talking about? I have GOT to go over each one of these words/labels and try to connect the actual definition with it as opposed to how we use it for others.

Let me start with the word "bitch" - I often refer to myself as a bitch. I always have through high school. You know why? To keep my guard up. In a place like high school, it's better being the baddest bitch as opposed to the innocent ones that get bullied. So yes, I used it to my advantage. But I was never unpleasant in my demeanor, neither did I bully anybody. I wasn't even particularly disliked by everyone. But I always had a different point of view to express. There were times where I collaborated with the group even if they were wrong, just to fit in, but I think we all have done that at some point of time in life. I guess, one of the reasons I started this blog was to express my opinions/thoughts/feelings which aren't so conventional sometimes. Sometimes, I wanna say ridiculous things that no one in the world might agree with. And that should be absolutely okay.

I once wrote a blog about a friend who was in a relationship with one of my friends, and still flirted around with me, also attempted to cheat on her girlfriend with me. And the girl still (till this day) believes I am to be blamed for the flirtatious vibes she sensed when I was with them.  Reality check - keep your man on a leash. No point in calling me a bitch. One of them commented on my blog with hater comments soon after I posted it. Haters still be following my blogger? And I am the bitch? 

Also, just because I have a viewpoint that sets me apart from the ten people standing beside me, does not mean I am a bitch. I am being blunt enough to say things that you don't have the balls to say. Let's leave it at that. I have called people a "bitch" without any reasons, without knowing them, in high school when I didn't know any better. But I wouldn't use it for somebody I DO NOT know personally, not by looking at them, not by hearing shit about them from others. I have been told a bunch of times by girls that I "look" like a typical Canadian bitchy girl. I don't understand why that is. In person, I don't have a smile on my face 24/7 and I always have a serious facial expression. Again, not a basis to judge somebody on. And does not make me a bitch. Last year, a girl expressed hesitance in talking to me because she thought I "looked" like a bitch. I need to know what criteria this is being based on. But they have later admitted that they regret judging a book by the cover. I can be an extremely funny, and friendly person; little did you know, eh?

A "flirt" is a person who is romantically or sexually inclined towards people, or someone who has a playful behavior WITH the intention of getting something. It is not a person who has a sense of humor, talks or people in a playful manner without bad intentions, or gives them little compliments, or hangs out with her guy friends. THE STORY OF MY LIFE! I have come to believe over the years, that I might as well be a flirt. Get real, I can flirt as much as I want and with whoever the fuck I want when I am single. You have no right to judge me. When I am committed, flirting has no play in the entire scenario. But then, I experience a lot of difficulty (as other girls would too, I am sure) to hang out with her guy friends, or to be friendly towards everyone without any bad intentions. I am the kind of person who will go to Tim Hortons, and if I see a girl with a nice eyeshadow, I will compliment her. For me, it doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl, If I have something nice to say to you, I will say it. In a few instances, I had the girls give me a weird/bitchy look as to why I am even complimenting. It made me look stupid, but I did it anyway. I am like that :S

I flirt with the dude at Tim Hortons who makes my bagel because I see him so often. But as soon as I walk out of Tim's, do I care about what happened inside? NO. We both might have smiled at each other, complimented each other and had one moment in the day that makes you happy after a tiring day. Does that make you a flirt? No. And it's fucking human behavior. If you put three girls and a guy in a group to hang out, the girls will definitely try to seek attention from the man, not to get anything, and not even with bad intentions necessarily. It's because us girls are so fucking competitive. We just want to compete for the heck of it. Not even if there is a gain in the situation. That's just how it is. So, all the boyfriends need to be careful with using the word "flirt" for their girlfriends. I still have this problem. I am a very social person. I love joking around. I love people with a good sense of humor. If I stand around with my guy friends and joke around, it does NOT make me a flirt. What matters here is the INTENTION of you standing with a bunch of guys. I wish people understood this.. 

And I wanted to save this one for the last.. a "slut" is the most commonly used negative connotation for girls these days. Like many others, I have also called other girls slut based on what they are wearing. By making this blog post, I am not claiming that I am a goddess and I have never said any of these things. I most certainly have. But as long as you grow up (for me, that happened just two years ago, lol) and realize that these labels are not to be spread for girls you simply dislike. I have a perfect example of this. A few weeks ago, I posted my iPhone message screen on Facebook when somebody commented on my blog, and that I write very well. She sent me an apology for high school. When we were 15, she had probably called me a slut because someone else was saying it. Who knows what it was all about... was it because they disliked me? Was it because I wore makeup in high school? The way I dressed? But she sent me an apology, saying she didn't even know well enough to judge me but she said something about me that she shouldn't have. And that's how rumors are spread in high school. I once came to find out the most ridiculous rumor about me - that I slept with a truck driver. And mind you, I was only 15. I practice abstinence for various reasons, and a truck driver? Do I even need to explain? This is how people label others and it becomes big, especially in high school. Now, it doesn't really matter..

But people need to stop being a part of slut shaming.. 

I have a lot of guy friends. I get along with guys more than girls. Does that say I am a slut? No, that simply means girls have issues with me (well, most of them anyway) and they are just too insecure about being friends with fellow women. I have the most gorgeous girlfriends, I don't wanna name them. And on the other hand, I have a lot of guy friends as well. I was thin enough to wear booty shorts last summer, does that make a slut? That's what I heard. I went to a party three months ago where a lot of brown people came - it was a jam by Punjabi By Nature. And I wore my short skirt with tights. Next day, when I walked into Humber College, people looked at me as if I stripped dance on a pole last night. Fucking get over yourselves. 

Stop judging people by looking at their clothes, the way their facial expressions are, the guys they hang out etc. I also know people who start saying things about girls if they are carrying a branded handbag or wearing expensive clothing. If a girl is carrying a Louis Vuitton handbag and wears Gucci glasses - she must be a slut because she slept with a guy to receive those expensive presents? Or she wears those things to get laid, or to put down other girls who can't afford those things? LOL, it's ridiculous and funny at the same time because I REALLY don't understand how people come to these conclusions. That girl may be working TWO jobs to get to where she is to afford those things. It's not your business to judge her. Leave her the fuck alone and get on with your lives.

I can write a book about this. The four years I spent in high school was all about this.. and I can tell you a hundred stories about it. But I don't need to because I am sure you all have stories of your own.

At this point, I am glad to introduce to you a Toronto based movement (woot woot) to address these issues I just wrote about. I don't know how many of you have heard about this.. but I only heard about it recently through a class of mine..

SlutWalk Toronto

This is a result of a small idea that arose from victim-blaming and slut-shaming. It was based on the idea that it is EXPECTED and OKAY for guys to sexually assault girls who are showing skin, or are dressed "sexy." Doesn't that outrage you? To me, it does. I have argued about what I wanna wear a hundred times with Nish. And I always hear things like people will look at me, they will try to touch me, etc.

Umm NO. No matter what the fuck I wear, your penis belongs in your pants, so keep it there. Because I am dressed sexy, it does not mean I am inviting any sort of sexual assault. We don't invite our own victimization. If a guy can walk the streets shirtless, in just jeans and be proud about it;  then I should also be able to wear the shortest shorts and walk the streets without being a slut, or being sexually assaulted.

My body is my own temple. I know what to do with it. I know how to dress it, how to carry it, how to use it etc. I respect my own body, and I am sure we all do. 

From the quote on the website, 

"No matter what I wear

No matter what I look like

No matter what my gender expression is

No matter how much, how little or what kind of sex I have

No matter what I've done before

No matter where I come from

No matter how my body has been 'devalued' by others

No matter what I've been called by others

MY BODY IS NOT AN INSULT" - SlutWalk Toronto, 2012

I would like to share with you that the next SlutWalk in Toronto is scheduled for May 26th, 2012. I would also like to announce that if anyone is interested in volunteering at SlutWalk, I'd be happy to partner up with you, in that case. Also, please follow them on Facebook: SlutWalk Toronto - Facebook

We've had enough. I know I have. I am really proud that this is a Toronto based movement and I will be glad to follow it. If you agree, please post comments below or share stories/comments that you have.