How big is too big?

Uhm, sorry to disappoint the lurkers. I am not talking about what your dirty mind probably guessed by the title of the post. For that, you should log onto.. wait, I don't need to give that away..

Point of the post? Age! Does it matter? How big is too big? The average trend is somewhere between 1-4 I am guessing. What about six? Is it a whole chunk of difference? How do 'I' know? Partly, because I am going through it. I always felt attracted to mature men. Not necessarily older, but mature. Now, age and maturity rarely co-mingle.

If a substantial age gap exists, what should be the goal here? Compatibility. To mend that gap. Not to find reasons to distant ourselves because of that gap. So, when we're looking for this 'compatibility,' we come across many wrong people before we stumble upon the right one, as so we think. That could mean we might stumble upon the most unlikely of partners to build that compatibility with. That's what happened with me. I guess when you stop looking for things, they happen to find you.

Where do I draw the line? At six. Could that mean problems? Yes and no.

I mean, look at India for instance. Think back to the old days when married couples had substantial age gaps. I am talking from 9 - 15 years of difference. Men typically wanted younger women to bear their children and still be able to look young. The amount of children would also be like, ten. Then there's opposites, my mom is older than my dad. But hey, only by a year. Love IS blind. Clearly. As I said, what matters is that you are together for the right reasons and that you are compatible.

How might this work? For me, I am very short-tempered and impulsive. It's good to have someone older than you who knows how to handle a situation. He will have the sense to be cool and composed when I am throwing tantrums. I am childish and he is mature, vice-versa at times as well. I guess, that's what you call understanding. If both people are screaming at the top of their lungs, how is it gonna work? The key to any relationship is "balance." The balance doesn't necessarily have to be the girl's age minus the guy's age. The balance needs to strike in the understanding and compatibility. I never set boundaries around age before, ever. I generally have been with people older than me in the past as well. I can't imagine dealing with the nuisance of someone my age, especially because guys generally mature at a later age then women. Making all these calculations and restricting your relationship by numbers would mean underestimating the power of love.

I think, it doesn't matter as long as you don't let it get to you. We all might have heard from friends or family at some point in life, "He is too old for you." They make it seem like age is a large factor to consider. It can be, depending on your case. And believe it or not, it is a popular reason for break-ups. I am probably the only one out of my friends to have found someone who is not in the same age range. Does that bother me? No. Do I let other people guide me as to what is right and wrong in my life? Absolutely not. So, who decides who is too young and who is too old? Society. And who should decide? You. No one else, but you. We all have different ideas of what is acceptable to us. And we are the ones to decide that, no one else. Social acceptability is not on my list of a relationship check.

Note, I am talking about "myself" here. You cannot generalize my blog to the love story of a 15 year old dating a 40 year old man. Then, age is not okay. Even if it is for the right reasons. Personally, I cannot think of any right reasons for such a massive age gap. Just so, we're clear on that. After your legal, then everything's good, lol.

Also, since women have a problem with being judged socially, it makes it even harder to provide for justifications. We are worried about what our family and friends would say and whether they would agree. We also worry about being less experienced if the man is too old. Do I feel that way? Yes, I do. I also feel economically weaker and less mature as well. But that's okay. The fact is I AM younger and I am STILL experiencing and growing up.
Women are considered gold diggers if they find older men. And considered hyper-sexual if they prefer younger men. What the eff? I got this gold digger crap on my last blog when I complained about the comments I received from some anonymous people. Do I want someone who is established rather than someone who is studying? Yes. Is financial stability a pre-requisite for me? Absolutely. Does that mean I am a gold digger? I am not even gonna answer this pathetic question.

Age is not something you can go back and change on your birth certificate. So, what can be done? You can change your opinion and beliefs. You can take the 'society' out of the equation. I introduced him to nearly all my friends. Am I embarrassed of saying we have an age gap of six years? Hell no! I can tell you, he probably acts younger than 20 at times. It's his ability of being extremely mature when he needs to and a complete child when he wants to, is what I am mesmerized by.

Conclusion, age is just a number (with some limits as well as legal issues). It works if YOU want it to work. The plural you. The two of you. As a couple. Minus the society. A number or a meaningless calculation of your age difference cannot define whether your relationship will last or not. It's less of the biology and less of the amount of birthdays you've celebrated. It's more of your mental age. If a guy cannot handle a younger girl who is too lousy and immature with decisions, then yes, that could be a problem. But as for me, if you're in the same frame of mind, and are 'together' in your decision making, it barely matters. True love is immune of time and distance.