My worst flaw.

Pointed out by my mother in a sentence yesterday, was the story of my life. It was in the car with her. We were shopping again at Bramalea and on our way back, I received a call from a former friend. We had quite a rugged argument and stopped talking. He called back and was quite irritating. I lose my temper within a few seconds as the people close to me might know. It doesn't matter what he said while he was on the phone, it was what happened when I hung up on him. I always tell my mom everything and I told her what had gone wrong. She already hates half my friend circle, like typical mothers.

The astounding statement she made was regarding a relationship pattern that I have. Not relationships in the context of love, but simply friends or acquaintances. She said, you get attached to everyone super quickly, praise them like no tomorrow, and then kick them out of your life at your convenience. It sounds a bit blown out of proportion as to what actually happens. But what's true of it is that I am not diplomatic. Not when it comes to love, and not even when it comes to friendship. It's extremely important for a person to be diplomatic in the world of today to carry out various relationships.

I have never attempted to be a people-pleaser. I don't go out of my way to make friends. I have a few selective people I can trust. I rarely make the first move. I am shy when it comes to new people. And I hate being fake. It's just not me. I'd rather be a bitch than fake. And tell you exactly what I think about you. And because I do that most of the times, I end up losing everyone. Last night, I told him "what you did was an asshole move, therefore don't call me again." It's really weird. My mom is correct. If I love someone, I can be an open book and love them with open arms. But if I don't want you, nothing can help change it. What she was trying to say was, there are ways to tell people off even if you don't want them around anymore. Ignorance is not the key. Neither is being awfully rude. She is very much accurate. I was taken aback by this pattern which has followed me a bunch of times now. Yet, I only realized it last night.

Maybe because once I was ruthlessly ignored by someone I loved, now I have the tendency to close my eyes to anyone in the world and pretend they don't exist for me, regardless of the feelings attached. What does that make me? A rock? I wouldn't like to think that. In fact, I only act like that as the last resort. And it's only for people who have actually done something that is not acceptable to me at ALL. Okay, this is not helping, is it? I still sound like a cold person. But the truth is, I have been cold.. to the people who deserved it. And they know it too. If you're calling me and apologizing, that definitely means it's your fault. I am not very good at giving second chances, especially if you have been a major disappointment in my life. Making this blog post might not be advantageous to my personality, but it is the truth.

In my Hindi class, we discussed a valid question. "Kya jo log muuh par meetha bolte hain, woh andar se zeher ugalte hain? Kya jo log thoda rookha bolte hain, woh humare sachhe dost hote hain?" As far as I am concerned with my friendships, I have always been the rude one when it came to facing the truth. In a situation where a girl might want to console or comfort her girlfriend, I usually swear a lot and blame them for their mistakes. Probably because I am not a meethi-chhurri and I believe that pointing out flaws leads to realization. And if the person is willing to change themselves, that realization might come in handy. If you're a friend of mine, you know this.

That was a pattern my mother pointed out about me. Here is one I discovered myself - I always stand up for what I believe in. I don't do it in a politically correct manner or whatever way that requires everyone's peace and happiness, with a cherry on top of the diplomacy cake. I don't use "tactics" within relationships. I am honest, and if that means I will cut you off completely when you do me wrong, so be it. People can point a finger and say that girl's a ruthless bitch, at least they won't be able to point and say "that girl is wrong." As long as I am right, what the world says doesn't matter.